


Sterek RPs, Part Four

by seekeronthepath



Series: Sterek RPs [4]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Adorable Derek, Asexual Derek, Awesome Derek, Awkwardness, Bisexual Stiles Stilinski, College Student Stiles, Coming Out, Communication, Crushes, Curses, Depressed Stiles, Derek Deserves Nice Things, Derek Helps Stiles, Derek is a Good Friend, Derek sees auras, Drunk Stiles, Drunk Texting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Female Stiles Stilinski, Feminism, Flirting, Friendship, Grieving, Hugs, Humor, Insecure Derek, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentor Derek, Mutual Attraction, Mutual Pining, Overprotective Derek, Pack Feels, Periods, Pining Derek, Post-3A, Potions, Pre-Slash, Road Trips, Scott doen't like Derek, Sexual Identity, Stiles Stilinski Has Low Self-Esteem, Supportive Scott McCall, The Pack Knows, Trope Subversion, True Love's Kiss, confession of feelings, mention of Stiles/Other, mutual feels, post-s2, questioning Stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-04-27 13:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5051095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekeronthepath/pseuds/seekeronthepath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yet more rps - new tags for every chapter. Much credit is owed to my (unfortunately anonymous) coauthors.</p><p>Ch 1: post-3A, Derek sees auras, mutual pining, love confessions, adorable Derek, Derek deserves nice things, hugs<br/>Ch 2: post-s2, pining Derek, mutual pining, awkwardness, the pack knows, feat. Scott<br/>Ch 3: fem!Stiles, friendship, periods, awesome Derek, feminism<br/>Ch 4: Pining Derek, college Stiles, dating, insecure Derek, mention of Stiles/Other, feat. Isaac<br/>Ch 5: pining Derek, overprotective Derek, confession of feelings, grieving, healthy communication<br/>Ch 6: love confessions, pining Derek, curses, potions, true love's kiss, trope subversion, pack feels, feat. Erica & Boyd<br/>Ch 7: ace Derek, questioning Stiles, sexual identity issues, fluid sexuality, mentor Derek<br/>Ch 8: friendship, post-3a, everybody lives, mental health issues, depressed Stiles, Derek looks after Stiles, road trip, emotional h/c<br/>Ch 9: Pre-slash, bi Stiles, coming out, crushes, mutual pining, supportive Scott, Scott doesn't like Derek, low self esteem Stiles, feat. Scott<br/>Ch 10: pre-slash, drunk Stiles, Derek is a good friend, drunk texting, flirting, hugs, humor, mutual attraction, mutual feels</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wolf in the Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek has a rare werewolf mutation that allows him to see auras. He hasn't looked at his own since the fire, terrified that it's changed into something horrible. After he accidentally confesses his love to Stiles, Stiles persuades him to uncover his mirror and look.
> 
> post-3A, Derek sees auras, mutual pining, love confessions, adorable Derek, Derek deserves nice things, hugs

I'm getting really tired of this shit - SS

 

What shit? DH

 

Just...the running, and the fighting, and the panic, and the paranoia, and the inevitable nightmares - SS

We never get to /stop/ - SS

 

True. DH

 

It's not that I wish I was normal - SS

 

You couldn't be normal if you tried. DH

 

asshole - SS

 

... I meant that in a good way... but sorry? DH

 

oh. I figured you were just saying I was weird - SS

So, um, don't say sorry, I guess - SS

 

Weird is good. DH

 

You're a werewolf. You'd have chronic self-esteem issues if you were too attached to 'normal' - SS

 

I have them anyway. But alright. DH

 

You shouldn't. You're awesome - SS

Even if you're an asshole sometimes - SS

 

You're awesome too. DH

 

Pffft. You don't have to lie to be polite, it's cool - SS

 

Have I ever lied to you to spare your feelings before? DH

 

...fair point - SS

 

So if I didn't think you were great, I wouldn't say it. And I do. So. I did. DH

 

_[delay]_

thanks - SS

Have you ever thought about leaving BH? - SS

You must have so many bad memories here - SS

 

I did leave, remember? For ten years. DH

 

...yeah - SS

Did it help? - SS

 

I don't think so. I think that something when I got back...something helped. I'm still trying to figure out what it was - that's why I havent left. DH

But you're right. There are so many horrible memories here. DH

 

Maybe it's just...familiar? - SS

I've always assumed werewolves are pretty territorial - SS

And you would have had closer ties than any of the others, considering you grew up thinking of it as family territory - SS

 

We spent half of our time here, but we spent the summers in Spain. DH

 

Really? - SS

 

Yeah. I like it there. DH

 

You should go, sometime - SS

Take a vacation - SS

 

You should go. DH

We should go? DH

 

Really? Could we? - SS

 

Yeah. Of course. DH

 

Fuck. That sounds amazing. - SS

God, I didn't realize how trapped I felt - SS

I could get /out/ of here - SS

 

Yes, you could. DH

 

Sometimes I feel like I've been doing this forever, /will/ be doing this forever - SS

Will it ever calm down, do you think? - SS

 

I don't know. I think that... you know... since I reactivated the nematon...it's a beacon now. And I don't know if I've doomed it forever. DH

 

The beacon of Beacon Hills - SS

 

Yeah. DH

 

I wish I knew why it was cut down - SS

 

It was the wood they used to burn my great great great grandma for being a witch. DH

 

Jesus Christ - SS

This town is so fucked up - SS

_[delay]_

Was she? - SS

 

Yeah. DH

 

Not a werewolf, then? - SS

Or can you be both? - SS

 

You can be both. DH

 

Huh - SS

Were there any witches in your family when you were growing up? - SS

Um, that was kind of insensitive, don't answer if you don't want - SS

 

Yeah, my cousin Charlotte was a witch. DH

 

What could she do? - SS

She was mostly really connected to the earth. She wasn't a werewolf so she payed a lot of attention to the phases of the moon and she had energy crystals and she could communicate slightly with animals and things... she could do lots of stuff. She had a book. DH

 

Like a grimoire? - SS

That sounds really cool - SS

 

Maybe? I dunno. I was pretty young at the time. She was really cool. DH

 

I'd like to be able to do stuff like that - SS

Be useful for once - SS

 

... you've always been useful. You're a core element of the pack. DH

 

thanks - SS

but it's always behind the scenes, you know? or bait - SS

I get fucking sick of being bait - SS

 

For the record I'm always against you being bait. Always. DH

 

yeah, well, sometimes it's the best plan - SS

Sometimes the best thing to do isn't what we /want/ to do - SS

 

The best thing to do is never for you to be in danger. DH

 

The best thing for everyone isn't always the best thing for me, Derek - SS

 

I love you. DH

Wait. DH

What? DH

Sorry. DH

I don't know where that came from. DH

Ignore me. DH

 

_[delay]_

...what? - SS

You...what? - SS

 

I'm sorry. Nothing. I didn't...I kept thinking about all the times you were in danger. I'm sorry. I couldn't...think. DH

Ignore it. Ignore me. DH

 

No, I... - SS

You love me? - SS

 

...yeah. DH

 

oh - SS

 

I'm sorry. DH

 

what? - SS

why are you sorry? - SS

 

I...because. Because I - I'm just not...because I've ruined it now. DH

Because we worked so hard to be friends and...and now it's ruined because of me and you're my favourite person in the world and I don't want to lose you. DH

 

You think you've, what, ruined our friendship by loving me? By telling me? - SS

 

... yes. DH

 

Okay, first of all, I /know/ you can be friends with someone you love without it being weird - SS

Like, I started being friends with Lydia /before/ I got over her, and it was still fine - SS

And I'm not at all offended, or whatever bullshit you're imagining right now - SS

So no, you haven't ruined anything - SS

 

Okay. I guess... I guess you're right. I mean, everyone I've loved so far has died so...it's not like I have a good track record with this. DH

 

...jesus Christ. I hadn't actually put it together like that - SS

you have the worst luck - SS

 

Yeah. I know. I do. I'm like a magnet for death. DH

 

don't say that - SS

that makes it sound like it's your fault - SS

 

It was in most cases. DH

 

No, it wasn't - SS

 

Alright Stiles. DH

 

Seriously, it's pretty much /never/ been your fault - SS

Like, I can't think of /one time/ it has been - SS

 

How about /every/ single time. DH

 

No - SS

Don't do that to yourself - SS

 

It's true. DH

 

It's not

It's not even close to fucking true, Derek - SS

 

Yes it is. It's my fault that Paige died. Which awakened the nematon, which put me in a place where Kate could manipulate me, which cause my family to die and Peter to go crazy and kill Laura and bite Scott, the nematon helped Jennifer survive so everything that happened with her was my fault. I'm the one who bit Jackson, making the Kanima thing my fault too. Everything bad that has happened is my fault. Duke came here because he heard Talia's son was an Alpha so everything that happened with the Alpha pack was my fault. I killed Boyd! I got Erica killed. You got hurt so many times... everyone that has gotten hurt, it's been my fault all because I got Paige bitten and she died and /I/ killed her. My first love. I killed her and the rest of my life I've just been hurting anyone I've ever cared about. DH

 

No - SS

Derek, no - SS

 

All of those things are true. DH

 

God, I wish I was hugging you right now - SS

You're wrong, Derek, it's not your fault - SS

It's /not/ your fault that Paige died - SS

It's /not/ your fault that Kate manipulated you - SS

It's not your fault that your family died, or Peter went mad - SS

It's not your fault that Peter killed Laura - or anything else he did - SS

It's not your fault that Jackson became a kanima instead of a werewolf - SS

It's not your fault that Duke was batshit insane and decided to ruin everything - SS

It's not your fault that Boyd died - SS

It's not your fault that Erica died - SS

It's not your fault that I've been hurt - SS

It is not. your. fault. - SS

 

You can say that all you want but I won't believe you. DH

 

Peter and Ennis are responsible for Paige; Kate is responsible for the fire; Peter is responsible for Laura; Jackson's own issues, Matt, and Gerard are responsible for the kanima; Gerard is responsible for Duke's crazy, and Duke and the alphas are responsible for everything they did, /including/ Boyd - SS

And every single time I've been hurt, I have willingly chosen to take that risk - SS

I will tell you this literally every day, if I have to, until you believe me - SS

 

No. I literally killed her. I did it with my own two hands. I felt her life slip away. And I was completely sane and not being controlled when I did it! It haunts me every single goddamned day. DH

If I hadn't told her things... she would never have known. I... Kate wouldnt have been able to kill my entire family if I hadn't... and that's on me. DH

Just... stop, because it's my fault. And you can't convince me otherwise. DH

 

Derek...there was a day when my dad agreed to take my mom off life support. - SS

She was in pain. She was dying. She was never going to get better. - SS

There was nothing he could do except let her go. - SS

Let her die quickly, and peacefully - SS

And it was a long time before either of us really forgave him for that - SS

But he didn't kill her. - SS

And you didn't kill Paige. - SS

You gave her mercy - SS

 

Then why are my eyes blue? DH

 

Because the universe is fucking stupid - SS

And, at a guess, because you /feel/ like you killed her - SS

I refuse to believe there's some asshole in the sky changing werewolves' eye colours - SS

I am, like, eighty percent sure that it's a response to a change in /you/ - SS

You feel responsible - SS

Like Jackson - SS

It wasn't his fault either, but he still feels guilty, so his eyes are still blue - SS

 

Well that's... it wasn't his fault. He was being controlled. He had no free will while he was doing those things. DH

That's different. DH

And it's not some asshole. It's the moon. She's wonderful. DH

 

If the moon blames you for Paige, she's an asshole, and you will never convince me differently - SS

 

That's not... no. I dont think she... blames anyone for anything. That's... I dont know. DH

 

Then I call bullshit on your eye theory - SS

Either the moon blames people, which you don't think she would, and she blames you /and/ Jackson - SS

Or it's not because of anything external - SS

It's just you blaming yourself, and it doesn't really mean anything except that you feel guilty - SS

 

Just... just... DH

please... DH

 

Paige was not. your. fault, Derek - SS

 

Yes she was. DH

 

And honestly, I'm betting she'd be pissed at you for thinking so - SS

 

She doesn't think anything. She's dead. DH

And if she could she was probably wishing that she'd never met me so that she'd still be alive. DH

Everyone's lives would be better if I never existed. Everyone's. DH

Without fail. DH

 

Mine wouldn't be - SS

 

Yes it would. DH

"Just...the running, and the fighting, and the panic, and the paranoia, and the inevitable nightmares - SS We never get to /stop/ - SS" DH

You'd be better off. DH

 

No, I wouldn't - SS

I'd be dead - SS

 

No you wouldn't. DH

 

Kate would have killed your family without you - SS

She would have found another way - SS

Peter still would have gone mad, still killed Laura, still bit Scott - SS

But if you weren't here to help us, I would have died - SS

At the school, or the hospital - SS

Or Scott would have lost control and killed me by accident because you weren't around to help - SS

Or Peter would have bit me, and maybe I'd have rejected the bite, or maybe something would have happened after - SS

Or the hunters would have got me, when they were after Scott - SS

 

No. DH

Stop. DH

 

I'd be dead by now, without you - SS

 

No. Kate wouldn't have killed them. DH

And Boyd and Erica would be alive. DH

 

She would have - SS

 

NO. DH

 

She didn't kill them because of you - SS

She killed them because she was a psycho - SS

 

But I gave her the necessary opportunity and information! DH

 

You think she didn't have a back-up plan? - SS

Maybe she'd have made friends with Laura, instead - SS

 

Laura wouldn't have fallen for it. DH

 

You can't know that - SS

Maybe she'd have used magic - SS

 

She did. DH

 

Then she would have used more - SS

 

_[delay]_

I miss them.. DH

 

I know - SS

But from what you've told me, I'm fairly sure Talia would smack you up the head for blaming yourself - SS

The Argent-Hale feud is much, much older than you - SS

Kate didn't kill them because of you - SS

She was always going to kill them - SS

 

I hardly talk about them.. DH

I just...when there's someone to blame it's...better. DH

 

There is someone to blame, Derek. - SS

Kate - SS

 

No, because if we're doing the whole Argent Hale feud thing it's her dad's fault she was so screwed up, and then it goes back even further and... I don't know. Just...I don't know. Everyone dies. I can't do it anymore, everyone just dies. I miss them so much and.. I don't know anymore. DH

I just wanna run away with you but... you'll probably die too. DH

 

Derek, I... - SS

You have always, /always/ saved me - SS

 

You've always saved me too. I wouldn't have anything if it weren't for you. I'd be dead by now, and the jury's still out on whether you made the right call saving me but I've always been grateful that you did even when you hated me. DH

 

I didn't really hate you. I made a lot of noise about it, but...like you said, it's easier when there's someone to blame - SS

 

Yeah. DH

I remember... that time you were on the phone, "Can't you just think about letting him die, for me?" DH

It was funny. DH

 

You have a very dark sense of humour - SS

Then again, so do I, these days - SS

 

It was a lot of your tone of voice at the time. But then you've always made me smile. Not that I let anyone see it for a while. DH

I think it was you. DH

That thing that kept bringing me back. That first day I saw you and Scott in the woods looking for his inhaler. DH

You were so awkward and you just sort of... glowed. DH

 

I...what? - SS

 

It's something... there's sometimes a wolf that has a mutation of some kind. I can sort of... see colours. Around people. DH

 

Like an aura or something? - SS

 

I guess so... Yeah. DH

 

And mine...glows? - SS

 

Yeah, it's amazing honestly. It's not even really a proper colour. I mean everyone else's is a colour, but you... you just glow. Sometimes it's too bright even to look at. DH

Sometimes it's more golden like the sun, sometimes I swear it's like you're walking around in moonbeams. DH

 

That sounds amazing - SS

 

You are amazing. DH

 

...thanks - SS

What does yours look like? - SS

 

I don't know. DH

 

That sucks - SS

I bet it would be beautiful - SS

 

I avoid mirrors. DH

I'm scared. DH

 

Of seeing your aura? - SS

What do you think you'll see? - SS

 

Also of who I'll see. DH

I'm mostly scared of if it'll have /nothing/... or if it'll be the same colour as Kate was... or if it'll be... you know that sort of black, sort of... almost shiny oil like stuff that we vomit out when we are poisoned? That. I'm scared it'll be that. Or Kate's colour... DH

 

I can understand that - SS

I don't think it would be, but I understand being afraid - SS

...if I was with you...could you try it? - SS

 

No... because if it was one of those bad colours, and it touched yours... it would terrify me because I wouldnt want to be corrupting something so wonderful... DH

 

It used to be green. DH

 

You haven't corrupted me so far - SS

And your aura must have touched mine plenty of times - SS

 

Green suits you - SS

 

Yeah I used to think so. It was... like... in the middle of summertime, and if you walked deep deep into the woods, and found a clearing where there was only a couple of spots of light coming through the trees. If you laid down on the grass and looked up... that was the colour. That /deep/ green but also you could tell there was light behind it. DH

 

...that sounds beautiful - SS

 

You're more winter actually. When /everything/ is covered in snow. Like if you're in the forest and the trees are bare and they've got ice covering them, and the ground is covered with snow and everything is so fresh and crisp and wonderful and /new/. Then the sun comes out and its like the whole world lights up. The ice on the trees starts to do that sparkle thing and the light reflects off of the snow under your feet and everything's just so bright and you feel like you're in heaven.. DH

 

When did you turn into a poet? - SS

Also, now I'm curious about everyone else - SS

 

Eh I've always been one. I just dont talk much. DH

 

That you don't - SS

 

I think I've talked more in this conversation than I have in the last year... combined. DH

 

Clearly I should text you more - SS

I wasn't completely sure you'd reply - SS

 

I'm glad I did. DH

 

Even though I kept poking your sore spots? - SS

I kind of feel bad for pushing, but I just couldn't let you keep saying that shit about yourself - SS

 

You've always been good at getting under my skin. Its something that I really love about you. When someone you care about is in trouble you dont just let them deal with it by themselves, you make sure they know you are there and you try and help them. DH

 

And I do care about you, you know? - SS

 

I know and I'm very lucky for that. DH

 

I'm pretty lucky too - SS

 

Thank you. DH

 

Now, seriously, indulge my curiousity - auras? what are they like? is there a pattern to the colours? do they change? -SS

 

There's no pattern. Everyone's is different. I don't.... I don't know if they change. Peter's did. So I guess... they do. I suppose. Yours hasn't ever changed so I guess it depends on the person. DH

 

Can you choose not to see them? Because it seems like it would be kind of distracting - SS

 

No, I always see them... except when I start dying. They sort of fade and flicker out. It's really intense though when I stop dying and come back. DH

I'm kinda used to it by now. DH

 

...I really, really don't like that you're used to dying, or nearly - SS

You need to stop doing that - SS

 

I kinda mostly meant that I'm used to seeing the auras but that other thing is kinda true too. DH

Sorry. I'll try. DH

 

Try hard, okay? - SS

Too many people have died lately - SS

I don't know if I'd cope if you did - SS

 

Do you wanna know what colour Kate was? DH

 

If you want to tell me - SS

 

You know when you go shopping and they have the fish on ice, like the whole fish? DH

 

...yeah? - SS

 

Their eyes. Like the white, the sort of milky... film thing that glazes their eyes. That was her colour. DH

 

ugh - SS

that sounds really unpleasant - SS

 

Yeah. Sometimes I'm not very good at interpreting them... as far as I can tell I'm the only one that can see them so its not like I have a manual to go off of. I just took it at face value like oh that's white that's a pretty safe colour and didnt look too hard at it. DH

 

are there any colours that are, um, not safe? you said you hadn't found a pattern - SS

 

There's this one colour... that just... I cant quite put my finger on its name but its some kind of... purple...like browny reddy purple... its always just made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. DH

 

That sounds weirdly blood-like - SS

Like, when it dries, with the brown and the red - SS

 

Nah blood is a great colour. Its the purple you have to watch out for. When it turns purple something is wrong. DH

 

Have you seen that happen? Someone change like that? - SS

 

Yeah. DH

 

What triggered it? Do you know? - SS

Tell me to shut up if I'm asking too many questions - SS

 

Puce! That's the colour. DH

Puce is dangerous. DH

I don't know what triggered it. They probably changed as a person. We all change but they were purple - a nice purple - then they changed slowly, I didn't notice at first. But they were puce at some point and it made me feel uneasy.... then I started to notice them change as a person. And it... yeah. Wasn't good. DH

Like I said sometimes you change from more sunlighty to more moonlighty but you're always sort of bright and glowing and beautiful. If you know what I mean. DH

 

Huh - SS

_[delay]_

I think you need to look in a mirror - SS

 

I don't want to. DH

 

I know - SS

You're afraid you'll find out you're...ugly inside, I guess - SS

 

Yeah. DH

God if I've turned puce.... I don't know what I'll do. DH

 

I'll change you back - SS

 

I don't know if that's even possible. DH

 

If it's possible to change at all, then it's always possible to change - SS

If you're worried about corrupting me, then I can affect you, too - SS

...I guess DH

 

Do you really think I'd be friends with you if you were a puce person? - SS

I /know/ you, Derek - SS

 

Well then would you please tell me who I am. DH

You're generous, and kind, and protective. You're always trying to help people, look after people. You take responsibility for things you don't have to, to keep other people safe. When you had the power to turn anyone you wanted, you tried to help the lonely and hurting and lost. You're brave. You stand up to things that terrify you, all the time, and you stay in harm's way, because you think it's worth it. You're loving, even when you hide it. You're strong, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, to have withstood all the shit that life has thrown your way. You're smart. You're humble: you never take the credit for everything you do, and you're fine with that. You're a beautiful person, Derek. - SS

And you're...you're the man I love - SS

I was going to say so earlier, but we got distracted by your guilt complex - SS

 

_[delay]_

You love me? DH

 

Yeah, Derek. None of it's your fault, you're not puce, and I love you. - SS

 

I love you too. DH

I love you so much Stiles. DH

 

...we're idiots, aren't we - SS

 

Yeah. DH

 

we could have talked about this ages ago - SS

although, to be fair, we both have issues - SS

 

Yes, that's true. But everyone has issues. DH

 

Not usually this bad, though - SS

We're not really anywhere approaching 'usual' though. DH

 

This is true - SS

I want to protect you Stiles. I want to make you feel safe, and loved, and I want to wrap you up in my arms and rub my scent all over you and just kiss every single mole on your perfect skin because I just... you're so beautiful and it makes my chest hurt. DH

 

Yeah, well, I want to make you feel safe, and loved, and lovable, and I want to hold you and kiss you and figure out what colour your /ridiculous/ eyes are - SS

 

I know what colour your eyes are but its stupid and poetic and gross so I won't say it. DH

 

Well now you have to tell me - SS

I'll nag you forever about something like that - SS

 

Okay. Sunset through a glass of whiskey sitting out on the balcony of our castle in spain looking out over the beach. DH

 

oh my god - SS

 

Did you vomit? DH

 

you're ridiculous - SS

and amazing - SS

seriously, what even are you - SS

 

I don't even know. DH

 

how much time do you spend thinking about my eyes that you even came up with that? - SS

 

I just like writing. A lot. And your eyes are very striking. DH

I wanted to get it right when I drew you. DH

 

You draw, too? - SS

 

What do you think I do all day when you guys are at school? DH

Don't answer that. I know you're about to say 'lurk'. DH

 

Well, lurk was one possible answer - SS

And it's better to imagine you lurking than imagine you moping - SS

Also, the only sign you've ever shown of a hobby is that you like to read - SS

You are ridiculously private - SS

 

You wanna know what I do all day? DH

 

I really do - SS

 

I read, I write, I draw, I do the shopping because /teenage werewolves/ eat a /lot/ of food, I also... hang out down at the senior center. With my friends. DH

 

oh my god you're adorable - SS

 

Wanna know something even more adorable? DH

 

I don't know if I can handle any more cute - SS

 

I teach a dance class there on Thursdays. DH

And the whole reason I started going down there was because I helped an old lady with her shopping once and she roped me into coming back to the center and she fed me cookies and told me if I didn't come back she'd hunt me down until I tried her treacle tart. DH

 

...you are a ridiculous man - SS

I love you - SS

 

I love you too. DH

 

_[delay]_

seriously, though, why the /hell/ do you think you'd be puce? - SS

just, no - SS

 

I don't know. I'll look okay? DH

I promise. DH

 

I'm sorry. I'm pushy, I know - SS

 

It's okay, I like it. I will look I promise. DH

 

...do you want me there? - SS

 

I don't know. I might cry...but then... I cried when I killed Boyd and you were there - you were the only thing that kept me sane in that moment... DH

 

Killing Boyd with your claws was the worst thing the alphas did and I will never, ever, ever be able to forget it - SS

If you need to cry, you can cry on me - SS

 

I think... that maybe...if I try hard enough and focus enough I can...let you see. Just for a few seconds. If you'd like? DH

but only if I'm not Puce. DH

 

I'd love that - SS

How, though? - SS

I don't have wolf eyes - SS

 

No, but I think... I don't know. Let's just see. I think maybe if I'm right about something and when we kiss it'll... something will happen, and then if it's strong enough and I concentrate hard, you'll be able to see what I can see. DH

 

...oh - SS

oh my god, kissing is a thing that is going to happen - SS

I get to kiss you - SS

 

I'd quite like to kiss and be kissed by you if you'd like. DH

 

I'd really like that - SS

I'll probably suck at it, though - SS

I've never kissed anyone - SS

 

I thought you kissed that girl Heather, and Lydia kissed you when you were having a panic attack... not that I particularly payed attention when people were talking about that randomly out of context or anything... DH

 

...I blanked both of those out - SS

 

Oh, I'm sorry...sorry DH

 

No, it's fine, it's just... - SS

Heather died that night because I didn't have a condom - SS

And I'd rather have never kissed Lydia at all than say 'I loved her for ten years and one time she kissed me to shock me out of a panic attack.' So I don't count it. - SS

But it's fine - SS

 

Then let's not count them. I'd be honoured to be your first kiss Stiles. DH

 

I think maybe, now you've reminded me, I'd like to remember the one with Heather. She was my friend, and I cared about her. - SS

But you'll still be my first kiss with a guy, and my second kiss ever, and it'll be my first kiss with /you/ - SS

 

The first kiss of the rest of our lives. DH

 

You are so incredibly sappy - SS

But yes. That - SS

 

I am actually. Really. I am. I'm a secret die hard romantic. DH

 

You cultivate such a bad boy image, it's kind of shocking - SS

 

I know. It's for protection. DH

 

...I'm sorry you've needed that - SS

It's fine. It's my life, and I wouldn't be me if it wasn't. And if I was someone else you wouldn't love me, so what's the use in that? DH

 

You're such a sap - SS

 

Yes. DH

\-----

Derek did actually own a mirror. It was already installed in the loft, he'd just covered it up immediately when he moved in. It was floor length and wide enough for about three people to see themselves comfortably. He was just sitting cross legged on the floor in front of it at the moment, looking at the old sheet that looked somewhat like a curtain that covered the whole thing. He looked down at his phone, frowning when he saw that Stiles hadn't texted him back...but Derek supposed he must be talking to his father or doing something important so he didn't mind so much. He'd never expected to find out that Stiles loved him.... and he was overjoyed. It felt like after so many years of misery and punishment something was finally going right.

Stiles was really, really glad the loft wasn't too far from his house. And that traffic was good. Texting, apparently, made Derek talk, which was awesome, but it was impossible to hug someone over the phone. And Derek deserved _so_ many hugs. It was also impossible to kiss someone over the phone. And Stiles wanted a _lot_ of kisses. So, he was driving to the loft. He probably should have warned Derek he was coming. He really shouldn't have just not replied. But, it wasn't the end of the conversation, not really, so he didn't want to say goodbye. And he kind of wanted to surprise Derek, for once, which was usually impossible. Still, he was glad the drive was short.

Derek looked up when he heard the tires of the jeep park outside his building, sure that he'd heard wrong. Was Stiles...? Surely not...but then a few minutes later he heard the elevator open and he could hear Stiles' heartbeat come out, hear his footsteps approaching the door. Still ,he thought it might be a dream - he'd been pretty sure that this whole conversation was a dream and now Stiles was actually here...and the hinges on the door were groaning in protest as Stiles yanked it open. Derek really needed to oil that door. It wasn't like it was ever locked or anything, and Stiles had made himself a key already; Derek knew that much. But as Derek turned to look and see Stiles and his light spilling into the room he couldnt help but let a small smile creep onto his face. "Stiles."

God, Stiles loved Derek's smile. "Hey Derek," he replied. "So, uh, I'm hoping that you haven't changed your mind about anything in the last fifteen minutes? Because that would suck. A lot. Can I hug you? I've been wanting to hug you really bad for like, an hour now." Aaand he was babbling. Shit. He bit his lip to try to stop himself, and raised his eyebrows hopefully.

Derek swallowed thickly, god. A hug. A hug sounded so...just so perfect. He nodded. "Sure. I mean, of course you can. I, uh, might be a little out of practice, though. Should I stand up or is it better to sit...?" He cut himself off after a certain amount of words, liking it better when Stiles talked. His voice was so beautiful. Derek looked down at his hands, not really knowing what to do with himself.

Stiles suppressed a grin at Derek's awkwardness. It was cute. He'd rarely seen Derek awkward. "It's cool," he reassured. "If you stuff it up, we'll just have to practice more." He came over to Derek, and offered him a hand up. "It'll be easier if you're standing, though. Hugs while sitting on the ground are for experts."

Derek took the offered hand and stood up, running his other hand through his hair. "Okay. We should...do that," he said, meaning the practicing thing. He got the feeling that Stiles may be a novice kisser, but he was a pro hugger. And Derek wanted to experience one of his magic hugs. He got a bit distracted though, because Stiles was right here, and now he was allowed to just gaze at his face with a sort of dreamy look. It was okay now! To be totally blown away by how gorgeous he was. It was okay.

Stiles almost couldn't believe the look in Derek's eyes. He seemed...enraptured. Which, well, it wasn't like Derek hadn't dazed Stiles with his gorgeousness a time or two. But that was Derek. _Everyone_ could see he was gorgeous. "Come on, big guy," he murmured, and pulled Derek into a tight hug.

Suddenly Stiles was grabbing him, Derek got patted on the head and shoulders a lot by the folks at the senior center but this was different, this was a proper, full-body hug, and Stiles was just squeezing him and all of a sudden it all came rushing back. Turns out hugging was a lot like riding a bike - his arms wrapped around Stiles in return and his head fell forward to press into Stiles' neck and breathe in his intoxicating scent and he could hear his heart beating and he felt...safe.

Derek felt so good in his arms. And Derek's arms felt so good around him. They stood there for a long, long time, Stiles rubbing Derek's back gently, squeezing a little occasionally, letting his presence and the comfort he offered sink in, before Stiles finally pulled back so he could see Derek's face again, although he didn't let go completely. "Hey," he said softly. "That was pretty good. You can still practice with me if you want to, though."

Derek felt a little dizzy when Stiles pulled back, his fingers curling into his shirt to ground himself. "I'd like that," he mumbled, "Can I..." Derek blushed and looked down at his feet. "Can I kiss you?" he asked quietly. No matter how many times they would kiss in the future, he would always ask first. Derek knew that like he knew the sky was blue and Stiles was wonderful.

Stiles blushed. "Heck yeah," he said. "I'm pretty sure the answer to that question will always be yes." He fidgeted, trying to cover up his nervousness. Even with everything they'd said to each other, it seemed like a huge deal, and he just...yeah. He was nervous. But it was Derek! It would be fine. Great, even. So long as Stiles didn't ruin anything, everything would be great.

Derek looked up. He moved one of his hands to reach up and cup the side of Stiles' face, his thumb brushing slowly over his cheekbone. Stiles was so beautiful. Derek felt the words catch in his throat like always so he didn't say anything, he moved his other hand to the back of Stiles' neck, curling his fingers gently into his hair. He moved forward and tentatively pressed their lips together. It wasn't hard or rushed or passionate or desperate. It was simple and sweet, but somehow it managed to say everything that Derek never could say out loud, and the energy between them came alive, crackling and sparking as the universe hummed - well, to Derek it did, anyway.

The gentle brush of Derek's lips on his made Stiles gasp, and he pressed back, closer, more fervently. He felt more alive than he ever had before, as he licked tentatively at Derek's lips, opening his mouth a little in invitation. Everything disappeared except the energy spinning between them at their touch, at Derek's hands on his face and in his hair, at Stiles' hands on Derek's back, at the touch of their lips.

Derek stepped closer to Stiles, moving his hand from Stiles' face to over his shoulder to curl into his shirt. He felt like the whole world was gone and they were the only two things in the entire universe. He'd be content if the universe consisted of just him and Stiles. His love. Just like that, he was smiling against Stiles' lips - kissing wasn't easy when you were smiling, but he just couldn't stop. Stiles was just so perfect.

Stiles grinned when he realized Derek was smiling, and began to pepper Derek with little, light kisses. "Love you," he murmured, resting his forehead against Derek's. "Love you a lot, Der. Kiss me properly, please?" he begged. He _wanted_. Not that he knew the specifics, but he knew he wanted.

Derek closed his eyes when Stiles started to kiss his face, feeling like each one sent electric shocks down his spine. "Love you too," he whispered, licking over his bottom lip. He nodded - he'd give Stiles anything. He'd do anything to make him happy. "Okay. Yes. Anything," he mumbled, before tilting his head and pressing their lips together again. This time he swept his tongue over Stiles' bottom lip until he parted his lips, slipping inside and tasting him. He tasted like cinnamon and coffee and it was wonderful. He pressed close again and held Stiles close to him as he kissed deeply, passionately, giving Stiles everything he had and everything he wanted.

Stiles moaned. God, Derek felt so _good_. They kissed, exploring each other, until they were gasping for air, then Stiles swore and dove back in. He'd wanted this for so long. He'd never thought he'd get it, but he'd /wanted/, and fuck, it was better than he ever could have imagined. His hands began to roam over Derek's back, clutching him close and tight, feeling him, the strength and warmth of him, the way Stiles so rarely had.

Derek lost all sense of time, place, anything. He lost the need for oxygen, because who needed to breathe when there was Stiles? No one in their right mind. All there was was Stiles' mouth and his mouth and their hands roaming and exploring each other's bodies by touch alone, Stiles' scent surrounding him and making his head feel light and dizzy, Stiles' pulse and the quiet little moans he let out now and then making Derek's ears throb and his chest clench.

When they finally broke apart, Stiles was panting, flushed, and rock-hard in his pants. "That was, uh...intense," he gasped. Looking at Derek, he realized that the wolf was much the same, which was...flattering. "Wow. I don't have a brain anymore. You have kissed it out of me. That was...god, amazing. Will kissing you always be like that?" he asked, not really expecting an answer. "Because I think I'll die. Or go stupid. I won't be able to think of anything else. Fuck. That felt like a lot more than just a kiss."

Derek blinked, looking at him. He felt wobbly and stupid too, like his brain had melted away. His wolf had also come right to the surface and was howling in agreement that kissing Stiles was the best thing he'd ever done. He grinned dazedly, "I dunno. I feel stupid too..." he mumbled, moving forward to rub his face in Stiles' neck and brush their cheeks together before he could stop himself. It was his wolf's fault really, he just had this urge to scent Stiles and Derek didn't have enough brain left to stop him.

Derek was nuzzling him...scenting him? "Wow," Stiles murmured. "You're wolfy today." Derek was usually...not the most human, but...the best integrated? of the wolves. He wasn't wolfy unless he wanted to be. Stiles nuzzled him in return, feeling affectionate, and a bit silly.

Derek kept doing that for a little while, his wolf being soothed more than he could ever describe when Stiles nuzzled him in return. When he eventually felt satisfied and his brain was working at normal capacity he moved back a little, blinking. "Mm. You smell amazing," he mumbled, his face back in its neutral mask.

"Yeah?" Stiles asked. "Am I wolfnip, or something?" Seriously, Derek was _so calm_. It was kind of weird. Awesome, but weird. "If you freak out on me in future should I just shove your face into my neck, or something?"

Derek watched him speak with a slightly amused, but mostly just _adoring_ look. God, he could listen to Stiles talk for hours and hours on end. "I dont know," he eventually said, reaching up to stroke Stiles' cheek again absently, because _he could do that now!_ he reminded himself with glee.

Stiles leaned into Derek's touch on his cheek and ran a hand through his hair. "Hey," he began. "What were you doing before I showed up? Why were you sitting on the floor?" Not that Derek couldn't sit where he liked, but he did have chairs. And Stiles had never really paid attention to that window or whatever it was that he'd been sitting in front of.

Derek shivered when Stiles ran a hand through his hair and his knees wobbled and he almost fell over. "Fuck," he whispered, swallowing thickly and holding tight to the material of Stiles' shirt, trying to ground himself. "Uh...what? Sitting..." He couldn't think. If he had a tail, it would be going _crazy_ right now. He glanced over to the material. "Oh, it's - the mirror - it's under there..." he explained.

"Wow, you really like the hair thing," Stiles said absently, looking over at the curtain. "That's a pretty big mirror. I can understand why you covered it." Seriously, even people who liked the way they looked must find mirrors bad on their self-esteem. And who put a mirror in the living room, anyway? "Would you...Could I uncover it?"

"I think this room might have been used as a dance studio at one point... I don't know..." Derek mumbled, moving a little so that Stiles was between him and the mirror, like it was going to reach out and stab him or something, but only him. Mirrors would love Stiles, Derek assumed, because Stiles was so beautiful and mirrors would like to feel beautiful too. God now he was personifying mirrors. Great. "Sure...if you want," he agreed, shrugging like it was no big deal, but it _was_.

Stiles' heart ached when he realized Derek was _hiding_ from the mirror. "Hey," he said, softly. "Only if it's okay with you, Derek," he promised. "You can stay behind me, if you want, or close your eyes, or look at me instead." He kissed Derek, lightly, a reminder. "But you aren't puce, Derek. That's not what you're going to see. I know what it's like to hide from your reflection, but it's going to be fine."

"If I just...stay behind you, I'll just see your colour, not mine...so it'll be okay. I won't even be able to see me," Derek muttered hopefully, kissing Stiles back. He sighed and then shook his head, stepping directly in front of the mirror. "No. I promised I would. So...I will. Do it quickly," he begged, gritting his teeth.

Stiles kissed Derek once more for good luck, and reassurance, then reached out and tugged on the sheet that covered it. He had to close his eyes at the dust that flew into the air when it slid onto the ground, sneezing helplessly, but eventually, he opened them again, watching Derek's face in the mirror carefully.

Derek had gone rigid, freezing as he stared at himself. God...he really hadn't had any idea what he looked like. He was...hot. Now he knew why people hit on him all the time. Then be was distracted by his colour. Green. Oh god, it was _green_ , deep, dark forest green, the best kind of green in the middle of the woods in the deepest part of summer looking up at the trees. He let out a whimper and sunk down to his knees, tears starting to run down his face.

Shit. Shit! Derek was crying. Oh god, Derek was crying, and it was _Stiles' fault_. Stiles followed him onto the ground, getting between him and the mirror, peppering kisses all over his face, hugging him tight. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, love," he said desperately. "Oh god, Derek, please don't cry, I'm so sorry, it's going to be fine, just don't cry, sweetheart, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you..."

"Green." Derek choked out, hugging him back and breaking down into sobs, pressing his face into Stiles' shoulder. "I'm green. I'm still...still g-green..." He hugged Stiles tighter, as if he would break apart if he let go, or Stiles would melt away... it didn't matter, all he knew was that if he let go of Stiles now, nothing would ever be okay again. "Thank you..." he whispered. "I love you. I love you so much."

Stiles felt all the tension run out of him at once. He took a shuddering breath. "Oh god, Derek...when you started crying..." He was almost in tears himself. "I thought...I thought you'd seen what you were afraid of, I thought I'd ruined everything, _fuck_ , Derek, I couldn't," He took another breath, almost a sob, "I couldn't take it if I'd done that to you."

Derek shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I just - I never thought I'd see that colour again," he whispered, holding Stiles closer. "You've always saved me. You keep saving me Stiles. I'm so...happy...I love you so much. God..." he choked out a breathless laugh and it felt so good, even though it cracked and his chest hurt it still felt so good to laugh.

Stiles dropped his head onto Derek's shoulder. "Just don't...don't do that again, okay?" he begged. "I...fuck." He hugged Derek close. "That was...that was terrifying. I love you, don't...you scare me often enough with your stupid, death-defying recklessness, don't scare me like this, too." He didn't really mean it. Derek could show Stiles any feeling, anything, and Stiles would be there, but this...god.

Derek nodded, rubbing his cheek against Stiles' hair. "I won't. Promise." He wasn't quite sure what 'it' was but he would endeavour to not do any of it so that Stiles would be happy. "Do you wanna see?" he whispered after a while, kissing Stiles' cheek. "You have to hold my hand, and I'll put one hand on the back of your neck, and if you concentrate really hard you might be able to."

Stiles' head shot up so he could look Derek in the eye. "Seriously? Heck yeah, I want to see," he said, nodding enthusiastically. "That would be so amazing. To see what you do, when you look at me?" It wasn't like he'd ever _really_ know what people saw when they looked at him, but this seemed close. Stiles moved to sit by Derek's side, leaning into him for the tactile comfort of his touch. "Yes. Go. Whenever you want."

Derek gently took Stiles' right hand in his own right hand, lacing their fingers together. "It might be a bit startling at first...so close your eyes," he said quietly, his hand coming up to rest on the back of Stiles' neck. "Count backwards from five, taking deep breaths and focusing on seeing the space _around_ the person rather than the person, then slowly open your eyes when you're ready. Remember, you're very bright, so slowly."

Stiles bit his lip, closing his eyes like Derek said, and began to count. When he finally opened them, just a crack, he had to close them almost straight away because of the brightness. "Jesus," he murmured. "How do you even _see_?" But when he opened them again, he found he could tolerate it. Derek was right, he glowed. But Stiles' eyes were drawn to Derek's reflection instead of his own. The green that surrounded him had its own glow, even as dark as it was. It was rich, and deep, and had these...shifting undertones, that spoke of hidden things under the surface. "You're beautiful," Stiles said, at last. "It suits you."

Derek watched Stiles' face - he couldn't tear his gaze away, actually. Stiles was so beautiful. "I'm used to it by now," he said softly, then Stiles looked at Derek in the mirror and Derek was too transfixed to look away even though he blushed. When Stiles spoke Derek blinked and he lost concentration, and he knew Stiles wouldn't be able to see anymore. "Sorry. It takes a lot of...for me to do that," he explained, putting his head on Stiles' shoulder and closing his eyes. "You're beautiful-er."

A corner of Stiles' mouth twitched. Derek was adorable. "We'll have to agree to disagree on that on, babe." Then he shifted uncomfortably. "Let's get off the floor. Sitting is fine, but on the couch, or something. Floors are not comfy."

Derek nodded, pulling his head up. "Sure, let's go cuddle on the couch. We can practice more hugs," he mumbled, getting up and helping Stiles up too.

As he stood and stretched, Stiles looked back at the sheet on the ground that had kept Derek's reflection hidden from him so long. "You going to cover it back up?"

Derek blinked at Stiles' question, looking over to the mirror and seeing his green again. "No," he said softly, staring at the colour. It reminded him of his family. "No, I'm not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my lovely anonymous collaborator for the prompt, the world-building, and a delightfully adorable Derek.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it!


	2. Taken By Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek has been trying to get up the nerve to ask Stiles on a date for a while now. Stiles, of course, had no idea.
> 
> post-s2, pining Derek, mutual pining, awkwardness, the pack knows, feat. Scott

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Derek is bold; Scott is italics; Stiles is plain text.

Your betas are all terrible people

They keep giving me /looks/

 

**Looks? What kind of looks?**

 

Like, smirky looks

'I know something you don't know' looks

 

**I... oh. I told them-**

**Just ignore it.**

 

Nooo way, dude

Since apparently, /you/ instigated this new and disturbing behaviour

Seriously, what's going on?

 

**Nothing's wrong.**

**I didn't instigate it, by the way. You did.**

 

All the more reason why I should know

Is my deodorant offensive to wolf noses or something?

 

**No.**

**Not your deodorant.**

 

Oh man, but something is?

Shit, really?

Sorry

 

**You can't really help it.**

 

Ugh. That's worse.

What, do I just need to avoid you guys forever?

 

**No. Just... I'll talk to them about it.**

**You smell fine.**

 

But you said...

 

**I didn't say it was offensive.**

 

No, you just implied it real hard

 

**I didn't mean to imply it.**

 

I guess I should have made allowances for you being terrible at communicating

As usual

 

**That's mean.**

 

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot we usually interact by complimenting each other

Rather than insults, threats, and awkward babbling

 

**Sarcasm is kind of rude, Stiles.**

 

Oh really? I'd never have guessed

Dude, if you've known me this long and not figured out that I'm sarcastic at least 84% of the time, you haven't been paying attention

 

**I've been paying attention more than you know.**

 

I don't know what you were /aiming/ for with that...but what you ended up with was 'creepy'

 

**Alright. I'll just stop talking.**

 

Dude

No

We were actually having a civil conversation for once

 

**Until you called me creepy for trying to talk to you.**

 

You called me rude first

Also, I didn't call you creepy for talking to me, I called you creepy for saying you've been 'paying attention more than I know'

Which legit sounded creepy

 

**Okay. I can see where that was creepy.**

**I'm just...**

**Trying to express my feelings, alright?**

**I don't know how to do this without fucking it up... which I have.**

 

Yeah, I get it, you're not used to talking about shit

It's cool

You think I haven't fucked conversations up before? /So/ many times

 

**Yeah, but that's not...**

**Fine.**

**Are you free this Friday?**

 

Yeah, think so

I mean Scott and I have default tentative plans on Fridays

But he blows me off at least half the time for dates

So, y'know

Whatever

 

**Then you can repay the favor.**

**If you want.**

**With me.**

 

What?

Are you...asking me on a date?

Seriously?

 

**Yes, I am.**

**But you don't have to.**

 

Of course not!

I mean, yes

Fuck

Fail, Stilinski

No, I don't have to, and yes, I will

 

**Oh.**

**Okay.**

**There's this Italian place on the edge of town.**

**Do you like Italian?**

 

I eat pretty much anything, dude

Italian's great

 

**Yeah? Good.**

**So, around seven?**

 

Sounds good

**\-----**

Holy shit, I have a date!

I can't hang out with you Friday, because I, Stiles Stilinski, am going on my first ever date

Holy shit, dude

 

_What?! With who?!_

 

uh...Derek?

 

_Oh. Finally!_

 

What.

 

_It's about time you two got together. The tension was killing everyone._

_Suffocating._

 

What.

Scotty, what the fuck

 

_What?_

 

You couldn't have clued me in at some point?

 

_And miss that reaction? No way._

 

Dude!

I am just, like, completely betrayed right now

I legit thought this was another Lydia thing

You're supposed to be my bro

 

_I can't tell you who you like, dude!_

_You're supposed to figure it out on your own!_

 

I knew I liked him!

Kind of

I knew I thought he was hot, anyway

 

_Well, I'm glad you worked it out._

_He's angst over you will finally be over._

_You should see his texts about you. It's kind of adorable._

 

What

Derek's been angsting about me?

 

_Ugh. You have no idea. Hold on._

 

Dude, I wasn't even sure he liked me, like, as a person

 

_'What if he says no. I won't be able to look at him anymore. It would mess up the group dynamic. -DH'_

_'Since when do you care about the group dynamic? -ER'_

_'This is serious, Erica. I'm not breaking up the pack for this. -DH'_

_He likes you. A lot. Kind of... scary._

 

What

Did you /all/ know about this?

No wonder I've been getting weird looks lately!

 

_We have a group text just for it._

_Sorry, dude._

 

You are the worst bro ever

Seriously, you couldn't even hint?

 

_We put you two together ALL OF THE TIME._

 

Yeah, so?

I'm frickin traumatised by Lydia, I was never going to make a move

Unless someone /used their words/

 

_Well, apparently someone did._

 

Yeah, well, I might have asked him out ages ago if I thought it wouldn't end in rage and tears

 

_Better late than never, right?_

_Besides, I don't think any of us should have been in relationships until now._

 

...yeah ok, that's a fair point

 

_Now that things are calm... enjoy it. Just..._

 

Oh, I plan to

 

_You know how his relationships were... Go easy on him._

_Not that I think you won't, but you're new to it._

 

Dude, I'm not /awful/

I know

 

_I know you aren't!_

_Believe me, I'm going to have the same talk with him._

 

Well, good

I was starting to think you were all on his side

 

_I was on both sides._

_We all were._

_But we couldn't tell you because he wasn't ready._

 

_[delay]_

goddammit

That's actually a good reason

 

_I hope you're ready, too._

 

Yeah. I hope so too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my wonderful anonymous collaborator for Derek and Scott
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it!


	3. That (Other) Time of the Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles is a late bloomer. Specifically, she /just/ got her period for the first time. On the same day as a pack meeting. And she's completely unprepared. Luckily for her, Derek had sisters.
> 
> fem!Stiles, friendship, periods, awesome Derek, feminism

I can't come to the pack meeting tonight. Don't ask why.

 

**If you don't tell me why, I'll come get you**

 

Ugh.

You really do not want to do that.

 

**Why not?**

 

Because...You'll know things about me that you really don't want to know.

Via your nose.

 

**What do you mean?**

**Are you sick?**

 

No, I'm not sick.

God this is so embarrassing.

I'm...bleeding.

 

**You couldn't have just said you were on your period?**

**I'm aware that it happens, Stiles**

 

It doesn't happen to me.

 

**What?**

 

I'm a late bloomer. Today I bloomed, apparently.

 

**Do you need anything?**

**Have you got supplies?**

 

_[delay]_

No, I don't.

 

_[delay]_

**Pads or tampons?**

 

Oh my god.

How is this my life.

 

**Stiles, for once this is something that is actually normal**

**You are not the first teenage girl to send a friend on a tampon run**

**Pads or tampons?**

 

_[delay]_

I guess I just didn't realize we were friends.

Um. Pads, I guess? Don't they say to start with those?

 

**I'd like to think we're something other than acquaintances**

**I also think that asking Scott or your father would end in more embarrassment than I think you can deal with right now**

**Pads are easier, and you don't have to change them quite as often**

**They are more likely to leak, though**

 

Yeah, you're spot on about that. I think I'd just rather bleed out and die than ask my dad to buy /that/ on his way home.

And Scott doesn't like being reminded of the existence of my vagina.

Um... Sounds like you have quite a bit of knowledge about this

 

**I lived alone with Laura for six years**

**Birth control pills don't work on werewolves**

**So, yes, I've done this before**

 

Really? Poor Erica.

So, um, pads it is. Maybe I'll upgrade to tampons when it's not my menarche.

 

**Laura didn't like them, but she used them about half the time anyway because it meant the blood smell didn't come through as much**

**I'll get you a few kinds**

**Are you having trouble with cramps at all?**

 

Oh my god.

Yes, I am. My uterus is apparently not happy with these recent developments.

It's pitching a fit.

 

**I can imagine**

**Laura's cramps were brutal, some days**

**And before you say I can't imagine because I'm male, I used to take her pain, so I really can**

 

Dude. You've been eviscerated. I wasn't about to compete with you over pain.

She was lucky to have such a great brother.

 

**Thanks**

**And it's different**

**It's not about how much pain I've put up with, it's about men belittling women's pain by pretending it 'isn't that bad'**

_[delay]_

**Sorry**

**I don't exactly need to tell you that**

 

Good to know you're around to punch out men who say that.

Yeah, this is pretty bad.

Assuming the fetal position helps some.

 

**So do heat, pain-killers, and distraction**

**Laura used to do this thing where she stuck her thumbs in the pressure points at the base of her back, but it's hard to describe**

 

I've got tea and aspirin.

Yeah, poked myself in the back and nada.

No offence, but I kind of wish my mom was here.

 

**I understand**

**I'm not offended**

 

Cause you're really being great and all.

I was kind of at a loss.

But I wouldn't have been if my mom was here.

My dad probably thinks I've already gotten it and just have been dealing with it by myself. We don't really talk about that stuff.

Unless you count that one time he caught me watching porn when I was 14. That was memorable.

 

**Jesus, Stiles**

**I'm sure it was**

 

I was curious!

It's not like I was masturbating or anything, just watching!

 

**I really, really don't want to know**

**Look, do you...want someone there?**

**I can just drop stuff off for you**

**Or I could send Erica, or ask Lydia or Allison**

**If you'd rather another girl**

 

No. I think that would be worse.

You don't get it, but it's embarrassing, getting it this late. I mean, I'm 17.

 

**I guess I don't**

**Would you like me to stay?**

 

If it's not too weird for you.

I mean, I can open a window, but that's about it.

 

**It's not weird**

**I can boil water for tea and hot water bottles and pull pain and wash blood out of things**

 

You'd wash my period blood out of my sheets?

 

**How many times have you had to wash my blood off your car?**

**It's just blood**

**I don't care**

 

I mean, I guess. If you look at it that way.

Yeah. Please. That all sounds amazing, actually.

 

**Then I'll cancel the pack meeting**

**I'll have to go by the shops, but I'll be there soon**

 

Are you sure?

I don't want to put you out.

You didn't have important things to talk about tonight?

 

**Not really**

**Tonight was just checking up on things**

 

And an excuse to eat pizza, probably.

 

**No, the pizza is a bribe for the others**

**I want them there for the pack bonding**

 

Don't lie, I see you scarfing down meat lovers every time.

You're a good Alpha. Probably doesn't mean much coming from me, but...

You weren't so great, at the beginning. You've gotten way better. Everybody's way happier.

 

**Thanks**

**And coming from you, it means a lot**

 

And it means a lot to me that you're doing all this.

 

**Well...you're pack**

 

Yeah. And Jackson's pack, but you don't see him coming over to make me tea.

But I guess an Alpha takes care of their own.

 

**I try to**

 

And we're friends.

 

**And we're friends**

**And I wasn't about to leave you in Scott's incapable hands**

 

You're right. He's hopeless. Poor Allison.

She seems like the type to go tell her dad to go get tampons, though.

 

**Yes**

**She also seems the type to have a three-month backup supply at all times**

 

A habit I should probably adopt but won't.

I'm way too distractible to keep track of this.

**If you ever run out at school, at least there's people who can give you spares**

 

True. I think that's unwritten girl code, though.

Like offering to walk with a fellow girl if you think someone's following them.

 

**True**

 

I could always just ask you to make a supply run, too :)

 

**So long as you don't abuse it**

**Once you figure out the brand you like, just buy three or four packs at a time**

 

Where am I going to keep them all?

 

**Cupboard under the bathroom sink?**

**Wherever you keep toilet paper, basically**

 

Alright, fair enough. That seems logical.

 

**And seriously, keep some /in/ the bathroom**

**Like with toilet paper**

 

Ookay.

Oh, right. No awkward asking somebody to fetch a roll.

 

**Yes. That.**

 

Did Laura do that?

 

**Mostly, yes**

**Some in her bag, some in the bathroom.**

**And frustrated muttering and swearing when she hadn't noticed they were gone**

**Toilet paper, she informed me more than once, is a completely useless emergency substitute**

 

Yeah, I found that out within five minutes.

My underwear is ruined.

 

**Unless it's fancy, it probably isn't**

**Cold water and soap are surprisingly effective**

 

The word soaked comes to mind, Derek.

And not the sexy kind of soaked.

Unless you're a vampire, I guess.

Stephanie Meyer never thought about that, I bet. Plot hole.

 

**No one has their period in fiction**

**You don't ever see the badass swordswoman swearing because it's impossible to get blood out of the crotch padding**

**And I'm serious - dump them in a bucket full of cold water when you take them off and let them soak**

**If I didn't know how to get blood out of clothes I'd have nothing to wear**

 

Okay, I accept your all-knowing wisdom on this one, sensei.

I don't ever see the badass swordswoman, period.

Haha, no pun intended.

 

**There are a few, but not a lot, I admit**

 

This is terribly inconvenient for a lot of people.

Why did evolution leave us with this?

Why can't we just go into heat or something?

 

**That would be worse**

 

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Mindless fucking would be a bit inconvenient as well.

 

**Heat in animals is more like...being disinhibited**

**Spending up to a month a year mildly roofied by your reproductive system**

 

Reproductive systems are just assholes, aren't they?

 

**Not assholes, in fact**

**Dicks, yes**

**But assholes are only involved for recreational purposes**

 

Oh, so Derek's got jokes.

Anal jokes, the best kind.

 

**I find your sense of humor concerning**

 

Shush, you love it. You're the one who brought up anal.

 

**You're the one who mentioned assholes**

 

You're the one who mentioned dicks.

 

**You're the one who brought up the whole topic of reproductive systems**

 

I blame the fact that the internal lining of my uterus is shedding. It brought this whole conversation up.

 

**That does let you get away with a lot**

 

Muahaha.

I am not above using this hellish week to my advantage.

You should get snacks, too.

 

**I was planning on it**

**Preferences?**

 

Salty things.

Chips. Lots of chips.

I'm going to put myself in a chip coma.

 

**Okay. Chocolate?**

 

Yes. Orange chocolate, please.

 

**Will do**

**I have to drive, but I'll see you soon**

 

Just let yourself in when you get here. You can use the door this time ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my anonymous collaborator for this fantastic prompt and for Stiles
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed it!


	4. Ask Me Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek was planning to ask Stiles out. Then he saw him on a date. Now he's second-guessing himself.
> 
> Pining Derek, Stiles is at college, dating, insecure Derek, mention of Stiles/other, feat. Isaac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isaac is in italics, Derek in bold, Stiles in plain text

_What did you do to Derek?_

 

Nothing?

 

_He was fine this morning_

_Now he's all weird_

 

I haven't even seen him today.

 

_Really?_

_He was definitely planning to talk to you_

 

Me and Derek didn't have plans.

I was actually busy today.

 

_With Scott?_

 

No, I had a date.

 

_[delay]_

_Oh_

_I guess that explains it_

 

Explains what?

 

_Why Derek's moping_

 

Because I had a lunch date?

 

_Yeah_

_He must have found out somehow_

 

Why? We didn't have plans, I didn't blow him off.

Why would he be upset? He's always been really supportive of my relationships.

 

_Yeah_

_But he'd only just sucked up the courage to ask you out_

_He'll be alright_

\-----

Hey. We need to talk.

 

**Not right now, Stiles**

 

Oh, sorry, when would be a convenient time for you?

Because y'know. My life and timeline doesn't matter, right?

 

**What?**

**Stiles, what are you talking about?**

 

Isaac said you're pissy because you saw me on a date.

 

**I'm not pissy**

 

Then what are you?

 

**[delay]**

**Disappointed**

**I'm fine**

 

Disappointed because...?

 

**Because I was planning to ask you out today**

 

But I had a date.

Because you /hadn't/ asked me out, and I'm allowed to date, and I do date.

What on earth does that have to do with you asking me out?

 

**What do you mean?**

 

If you want to ask me out, ask me out.

 

**But you were on a date**

 

And I was on a date last week too.

And if you ask me out, then we'd go on a date. That's how dating works, Derek.

 

**I didn't want to interfere**

 

Well you wouldn't have asked me out while I was in the middle of having lunch with someone.

But you could have asked me later.

 

**And that would have been okay?**

 

Yeah.

 

**Oh**

 

I'm sorry my life doesn't revolve around you and I wasn't conveniently available when you decided you wanted me.

 

**What...I'm not /blaming/ you, Stiles!**

 

You're disappointed and you've given up without even asking me!

 

**That was exactly my problem - your life /isn't/ about me, and I was reminded that you can do better**

**I'm not disappointed by you, I'm disappointed in me**

Why don't you actually try asking me out, and give me a fucking chance, Derek.

 

**I'm sorry**

**I'm fucking this up**

**I knew I'd fuck this up**

 

Derek.

Calm the fuck down, dude.

Do you wanna go out on Friday?

 

**Yes.**

 

Cool.

 

**So much.**

**Thank you, Stiles**

 

Anytime.

 

**Sorry. I just...I really, really like you.**

**It makes me nervous**

 

I like you too.

 

**Really?**

 

I just asked you out, dude.

 

**Yeah, but...you were being nice, because I was freaking out**

 

I was gonna wait until next year, when I'd graduated and moved back permanently.

But we can start things now.

 

**I've been trying to make myself ask you since you started college and I realised how much I missed you**

 

I miss you too, Derek.

 

**But we'll try dating? See if we can make it work?**

 

Yeah.

Exclusively. If that's okay.

 

**I haven't been dating anyone else**

**I'd really like that**

 

Me too.

 

**I guess I'll...see you Friday?**

 

Yeah, I'll see you Friday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my collaborator for an excellent (and wonderfully mature) Stiles. I hope you all enjoyed it!


	5. How Fragile You Are/n't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles had a minor...incident while trying to make a generic antidote for werewolves at Deaton's. It just reinforces Derek's fears about the risks Stiles takes, and the two of them finally talk about /why/ Derek is afraid.
> 
> pining Derek, overprotective Derek, confession of feelings, grieving, healthy communication

Don't come over tonight 

I mean usually you just show up at random

But seriously

Not tonight

 

**Why not?**

 

Do I have to tell you?

Nothing's actually /wrong/, as such

 

**Then what is it?**

 

Messy

Very, very messy

And mildly toxic

 

**What did you do?**

 

There was a thing

It didn't work out as planned

 

**What thing?**

 

The resultant mess was mostly at Deaton's, but it also stuck to me

And then to everything else

This mess is like glitter

It was an experiment

 

**What experiment?**

 

/Ideally/, it would be a werewolf poison cureall

That's where the toxic comes in

 

**You tried making a werewolf poison cureall.**

**Of course. I don't even know why I'm surprised anymore.**

 

It would be useful!

No more rooting around in psychotic villainesses' rooms for the exact right bullet!

Just drink some of this - or maybe smear it on, I'm still figuring it out

 

**Not if it means hurting yourself in the process.**

 

I'm not hurt!

Like, mild rash, some tingly feeling in my fingers, but I'm fine

/You/ would not be fine

Which is why I don't want you to come over

 

**Take a shower.**

 

Did that

Not hugely effective

 

**Take another.**

 

It's very sticky

 

**Figure it out.**

 

I will, dude

I'm just saying, I can't promise not to have wolfsbane all over me for the rest of the evening

 

**Wolfsbane or not, I'm coming over.**

 

Derek, you're a fucking idiot

I'm /fine/

 

**You are not /fine/.**

 

I honestly am, dude

 

**You have a rash.**

 

And even if I weren't, what were you planning to do to help?

I know you've never been human but seriously, that happens sometimes

It's not a big deal

I've gotten rashes from /grass/ before

 

**I can take away the pain.**

**And help the healing.**

 

Derek, seriously, I've been worse off after lacrosse practice, and I do that multiple times a week

 

**...Maybe we should have a lacrosse conversation too. After this.**

 

No!

That is the opposite of the point I was making!

Humans get hurt!

It's normal, and it's /okay/

 

**It's not okay!**

 

Yes it fucking is!

I'm not fragile, Derek!

I don't heal as fast as you, but I /do/ heal

 

**Not fast enough! And dammit Stiles, I have to make sure you're okay. No more cuts or bruises, let alone broken bones and concussions!**

 

What, are you going to wrap me in cotton wool for the rest of my life? Stick me in a box?

 

**As much as I'd like to, no. Mostly just take away the pain and kickstart the healing process when you do get hurt and make sure you don't put yourself into a situation where you can get hurt at all!**

 

I appreciate the first, but the second? No

I get to make my own choices, Derek

 

**Dammit Stiles!**

 

I don't actually take needless risks, Derek

 

**You take needless risks all the time! You put yourself in harm's way far too often!**

 

No I don't

 

**Just so that you get the context for why I'm reacting this way, my uncle Remus was married to a human.**

**Hell, they were mates. Uncle Sirius was the first human I interacted with, the closest to me.**

 

You did /not/ have a pair of uncles called Remus and Sirius

I call bullshit

 

**Weird names, I know. But yeah, I did.**

 

It's more the Harry Potter coincidence I was going for, but okay

Go on

 

**Sirius was one of the very few humans who lived with us, who knew about...us being werewolves. He learned to live with the general lack of clothes, the lack of privacy, the astute sense of smell and basically all the quirks that drove away all non-wolves.**

 

...just so you know, I expect more detail on these quirks of born wolves later

 

**Noted.**

**But anyway, Uncle Remus was protective. Uncle Sirius rode a motorbike and it drove Uncle Remus crazy, drove all of us crazy actually.**

 

I can see that

 

**It was loud and dangerous and he would always have cuts and bruises, from the bike or bar fights. I remember their fights from when Uncle Remus begged him to give up smoking.**

**I never got why Uncle Remus pushed so hard. It didn't feel like Uncle Sirius was all that fragile.**

**He was, after all, the badass in his leather jacket and that long black hair.**

**But he got into an accident, a bad one.**

**I think I was maybe 11?**

**Anyway, Uncle Sirius didn't make it. Uncle Remus was crushed, because they had just had a fight about giving up the bike.**

**And I got fragility of humans. Because if it was Uncle Remus, he would have been fine.**

 

Derek...

 

**Stiles, if something happened to you, I don't know what I'd do.**

**I'd never be able to forgive myself.**

It wouldn't be your fault

It would never be your fault

 

**You think we didn't tell Uncle Remus that?**

 

I'm sure you did

 

**Do you think he listened?**

 

I think, in time, he would have learned to

If your uncle died when you were eleven, it would have been only five, six years ago when the fire happened

And grief takes time

I know there are things you still blame yourself for that you shouldn't

 

**Stiles, he never forgave himself. Just like I would never be able to.**

 

Derek, think about what you're asking me to do for a second

 

**I'm asking you to be safe. I'm asking you to think just a couple more times before you dive headfirst into a situation.**

 

You're asking me to stop looking after you guys

That's what kicked off this whole thing, right?

That I was doing something to help you guys and it went wrong

 

**I just want you to consider what you're doing before doing it, Stiles. This could have seriously harmed you.**

 

Deaton was right there, Derek

It was my idea, but I checked my reasoning with him as I went

I made it in his clinic instead of my kitchen so I'd have help and supplies if something went wrong

And when something /did/ go wrong, I checked whether it would be serious with him before I came home

I'm not actually stupid

 

**But what if next time it's not enough?**

 

_[delay]_

You know what my dad's job is, right?

 

**Yeah.**

 

Every day he goes to work, there's the chance he won't come home

I've known that for a very long time

He's gotten hurt before

He's been shot

And I remember Mom worrying about him before I understood why

 

**So you get where I'm coming from.**

 

I do

But you know what?

Apart from once, when I was about eight, I have never, ever asked my dad not to do his job

 

**Stiles, it's not your job to risk your life on a regular basis.**

 

It's not yours either

And yet here we are

 

**I was born into this. I don't particularly have a choice.**

 

The fact that you think that just shows how good you are

 

**Don't say shit like that.**

 

Why not? It's true

 

**It's not. But don't say it anyway.**

 

We're going to have to agree to disagree on that one, dude, because you are /so/ fucking wrong

 

**When you say this shit it deludes me into thinking I might actually have a chance, so please fucking don't.**

 

What?

A chance at what?

 

**Doesn't matter. Don't say that shit, do you understand?**

 

No, I don't understand.

 

**Jesus, Stiles, stop being difficult.**

 

/I'm/ being difficult?

 

**Yes, you kind of are.**

 

Well, /you're/ being frustratingly vague

What, exactly, do you want me not to say?

 

**Don't tell me how nice or good I am. Because none of it's true.**

 

It is, actually

You are

 

**Even if for some reason you think it might be, don't tell me. Don't give me false hope.**

 

False hope that, what, someone else thinks you're a good person? That someone likes you? Respects you?

 

**False hope that /you/ might like me.**

 

I do, though

 

**That's not what I meant.**

**I know you like me.**

**I meant...never mind.**

 

Wait...what?

 

**Nothing.**

 

Do you...want me to, uh, /like/ you like you?

 

**What are you, five?**

**...But yes.**

**Maybe?**

 

_[delay]_

holy shit

 

**Right. Um... Sorry. Let's just pretend this conversation ever happened, yeah? Thanks.**

 

No, wait

I didn't

I just

I never realised?

 

**That's fine.**

**Let's just never talk about this, okay?**

**I won't make you uncomfortable, or bother you.**

**Sorry.**

**Goodbye, Stiles.**

 

No!

Fuck, don't go

Don't apologise either

Idiot

You aren't making me uncomfortable

Or bothering me

 

**...Are you sure?**

 

Of course I'm sure

_[delay]_

...I've maybe had a minor crush on you. once or twice. over the years.

I suppressed it because it obviously wasn't going anywhere and I got sick of pining after the business with Lydia

 

**Oh.**

**I, uh... never realized.**

 

Yeah

_[delay]_

We're kinda dumb

 

**Would you like to do something about it?**

 

Fuck yeah

...if you want to, I mean

 

**Of course I want to.**

 

Yeah?

Wanna take me on a date, Derek Hale?

 

**I'd love that.**

 

Me too

 

**I'll pick you up at 7, tomorrow maybe?**

 

Sure

I'll have gotten all the gunk out of my hair by then

 

**I'll look forward to it.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my collaborator for a wonderful Derek - especially for his backstory. I hope you all enjoyed it, and look forward to your comments!


	6. True Love's Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek got cursed by a pack of witches, and Stiles is looking for a cure. He finds two: a potion and ritual combo, and true love's kiss. When Stiles realises he can't find one of the ingredients for the potion, Derek has a choice to make.
> 
> love confessions, pining Derek, curses, potions, true love's kiss, trope subversion, pack feels, feat. Erica & Boyd

I think I figured it out!

 

**Figured what out?**

 

The curse! I figured out a way to break the curse on you!

 

**How?**

 

It's, um...well, there's two ways

There's an all-purpose curse breaker - true love's kiss

And then there's a specific solution for this one

 

**What's the specific one?**

 

Fairly complicated ritual involving a fairly complicated potion with fairly rare ingredients

It'll take me a while to get it all together, but I can totally do it

 

**It'll take too long.**

 

It'll be a few weeks, maybe

 

**Like I said, too long.**

 

Is it really that bad?

 

**Kind of.**

 

I mean, it's not like I can really do anything to make it faster

 

**There's the first option.**

 

You've got one of those lying around?

 

**Maybe.**

 

What does 'maybe' mean?

 

**It means it's kind of dependent on whether or not they want to kiss me.**

 

It's gotta be fully reciprocated, dude

Love on both sides

A kiss from someone /you/ love isn't enough

 

_[delay]_

**Right. I don't know if...the potion is probably easier.**

 

Really?

I mean, I'll do the three weeks' work if you need it

But if you could tell them how you feel or ask them how they feel or whatever, it's probably worth trying

 

**I still stand by the idea that the potion is easier.**

 

I know. Feelings suck.

I'm guessing you haven't talked to this girl at all yet?

Considering we've never met her

 

**Not a girl.**

 

Really?

 

**Really.**

 

Huh. Then I'm guessing you haven't talked to /him/ yet

 

**I haven't.**

 

Sorry. I know that feeling

 

**You don't have to apologise.**

 

I'm not apologising, I'm just...sympathising

 

**Well, you don't have to do that either.**

 

I don't have to, but I'm you're friend. I'm going to anyway

 

**Okay.**

 

So yeah, I'm sorry you're going through the whole should-I-risk-rejection thing at the moment. It sucks

 

**Gets worse when you're already cursed.**

 

It's a kind of unpleasant curse

 

**I know.**

 

Sorry, that was kind of a dumb thing to say

 

**Don't worry about it.**

 

I'll get going on the potion

I'd have it for you sooner, but I have to order some of the ingredients

I can't speed up the post

 

**It's fine.**

**There might be a few things in the vault you can use?**

 

I'll check

 

**Thanks.**

\-----

_Three Days Later_

Derek it is fucking impossible to get hens teeth

 

**What do you mean?**

 

I mean that I need hens teeth for this fucking potion and I can't find it /anywhere/

 

**Crap.**

**They have to be somewhere.**

 

I'm trying, and I'm sure I'll find them eventually

But I don't know how long it will take

 

**Right.**

 

I'm sorry

I'm doing my best

 

**I know.**

**Thank you.**

 

You're sure you don't want to try the other thing?

 

**Not really.**

 

Alright

I'll let you know when I've got news

_\-----_

_Two Days Later_

I found someone who sells hens teeth

 

**Great.**

 

She's in Azerbaijan

 

**Not so great.**

 

It'll take a month to get here, minimum

 

**Right.**

 

And I won't be able to do the ritual until the new moon after

 

**So two months until you can fix me.**

 

...probably, yeah

I'm so sorry

 

**Not your fault.**

 

I'm still sorry

 

**You don't have to be.**

_[delay]_

**It's easier if I just risk it, isn't it?**

 

You don't have to do anything you don't want to

But yes

 

**And if it doesn't work?**

 

Then it doesn't work

And we wait

But you're pretty awesome, I doubt the guy's going to turn you away

 

**Only counts if he actually loves me though**

 

You're not unloveable, you know

 

**Never said I was.**

 

No. But sometimes I worry that you might think so

You should talk to him

_\-----_

_A Few Hours Later_

**Can you come over?**

**Please?**

 

Sure

What's up?

 

**I just want to talk to you.**

 

Okay

I'll be there soon

 

**Okay. Thanks.**

\-----

Derek detested witches. He'd hated them when the curse had first hit, but now...now he hated them. He sat hunched over on his couch, his usually firm frame trembling with the cold, despite the thick hoodie he had found and the fact that he'd been hidden under his duvet for the past few days. He could feel his keen senses start to slowly fade away, and he wondered how long it would take until they were gone completely, until the curse started to erode the simple human senses he would have left. He glanced at the door again, hoping that Stiles had a spare key, because he highly doubted he'd be able to make it over to the door and pull it open - it had been hard enough trudging from his bed to the couch.

Stiles let himself into the loft and hissed when he saw Derek. God, he looked _awful_. "Jesus, Derek," he muttered. "It's only been a week. How are you this bad?" Stiles hurried over to the couch and sat down. "I don't know if you can _survive_ two months of this," he blurted out, then winced. "Sorry, that was super insensitive. There was a thing you wanted to talk about?"

Stiles still had no tact then, no surprises there. "Witches are assholes, that's how I'm this bad," Derek muttered, not bothering to attempt hiding his bitterness as he hunched over a little more. "This isn't...this isn't exactly how I ever wanted to tell you, but I...I'm in love with you," he admitted finally, after a few minutes of silently wrestling with his own decision.

Stiles mouth dropped open. _Him? He_ was the one Derek loved? The one Derek had been afraid to tell, afraid of rejection..."Holy shit," he whispered. Derek _loved_ him? _Derek_ loved him? Derek loved _him?_ Stiles mind was racing, but eventually he realised that Derek was still waiting tensely for his response. "Shit, sorry," he said quickly. "Um, I...this is _not_ a bad thing. This is a super, super good thing."

Derek could barely hear Stiles' heartbeat - the usually loud, somewhat steady thrum was like a whisper in a crowded room, which meant that for those few silent minutes Derek didn't know what Stiles was feeling, he couldn't guess how the human would react. He was too scared to look at him for his answers, not wanting to see him glare or scowl at him. "It is?" He asked nervously, hesitating before making himself move, turning a little so that it would be easier for him to look at Stiles.

Stiles nodded, biting his lip. "It's...I..." he fumbled for words. "I'm pretty sure that you know I think you're hot, have thought you're hot for ages." Wolf noses didn't miss much, after all, much to Stiles' embarrassment. "But I hadn't known you long before I came to trust you, and respect you, and enjoy your company." And now...Stiles wasn't entirely sure what he felt now. "I don't, um, know for sure what I feel, but I really, really like you, Derek."

Derek nodded a little before returning to his hunched over position, because he was _freezing_ and it was one of the few ways he could retain the little heat his body was taken in. "Okay. Yeah, that's...that's good," he murmured quietly, glad that Stiles hadn't given him a total rejection, at least. That was better than Derek had ever really dared to hope for.

Stiles frowned. At first he'd thought Derek was sitting like that because he was nervous, but something told him...he moved closer and took Derek's hand. "Shit, you're freezing!" Stiles exclaimed. The other man's hand was icy and pale, and Stiles realised as he looked at him, that everything Derek was doing and wearing was a response to the unnatural chill. "Let me help you back into bed, I'll get a hot water bottle for you, you can warm up a bit, okay?" Stiles offered. "There's no reason we can't talk over there instead of here."

Stiles was so _warm_ and it made Derek want to curl up beside him and never move. He resisted the urge though, instead just weakly nodding and shakily rising to his feet. He didn't have the strength to argue with Stiles, he just wanted to be warm and not have to worry about his knees giving out under him and giving himself a concussion that would take hours to go away.

God, it _hurt_ to see Derek so weak. Stiles tried not to hover, going ahead to the bed and turning the covers back when he realised Derek wasn't going to take his arm or anything, tucking them up around him and then going to the kitchen to put the kettle on, rummaging around for the hot water bottle he _knew_ Derek owned, because he'd seen it used when the wolves were doing a lot of healing - it ached, apparently, especially bones.

Nuzzling a little against the pillow, Derek curled up under the covers, still trembling faintly despite the relief he felt being back under his warm duvet. His eyes slipped shut as he listened to Stiles potter about in the kitchen, feeling calmed by the other's presence.

 

Stiles stood in the kitchen, waiting impatiently for the kettle boil, then figured he may as well be useful why he was here, so he grabbed a can of soup from one of the cupboards and heated that up, too. Finally he got everything sorted and brought it over to the bed, putting the soup on the nightstand and passing the hot water bottle to Derek to hug.

"Thanks," Derek murmured, opening one eye when he heard Stiles approach and gratefully taking the hot water bottle from him, bringing it under the covers and clinging onto it in the hopes it might actually do some good. God, he really hated witches.

"Reckon you could tuck that down by your feet for a minute and have some soup?" Stiles asked. "I'm betting you've hardly eaten all day." Which couldn't possibly be helping. Poor Derek. He looked like shit.

"I haven't really been hungry," Derek admitted with a slight shrug - he still wasn't, but he knew he should at least try to eat the soup anyway, moving the water bottle down by his feet and forcing himself to sit up with his back leaning against his headboard.

Stiles steadied him and tucked the covers closer around his hips. "Yeah, I know that feel," Stiles commiserated. "You're never hungry when you're sick. But you've gotta eat anyway or you won't have any energy to get well _with_." He frowned as he looked from the bowl to Derek. "I'm not sure how steady you'll be able keep this, so I'm gonna help you hold it, okay?"

"I hate being sick," Derek muttered, but nodded his consent to Stiles' help as he reached for the bowl. "And I hate witches for making me sick in the first place," he grumbled with a small scowl.

Stiles snorted. Derek was kind of adorably grumpy right now. "You've said that a few times now," he pointed out, then shut up and helped Derek eat. When Derek had eaten all he could, Stiles took the dishes back to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of bottles of water, so Derek wouldn't have to get up if he got thirsty. "You should have asked us to come round and help days ago, you know," he pointed out. He hated to think of Derek sitting around all alone and cold and miserable, and just _not calling_ the pack.

"Didn't want to bother anyone," Derek countered, reaching under the covers to pull the hot water bottle back against his stomach. "Figured you were all busy. Besides, all I was doing was sleeping and sometimes texting you anyway, not exactly much anyone could do," he added with a light shrug.

"Except, uh...look after you?" Stiles pointed out, rolling his eyes. "Dude, you're not a bother. Also, literally _all_ of us are better at being sick than you. We have literally _all_ had those days. Besides," he added, "don't you feel better right now than you did when I showed up?"

"Maybe," Derek admitted in a grumble, lightly picked at a thread in his duvet rather than looking at Stiles. So what if he did feel a little better? It didn't prove anything, Derek was still right to not have called anyone.

"I will bet you fifty bucks that if I called Isaac right now and said you were feeling shitty because of the curse but there wasn't much he could do except keep you comfortable, he would offer to be here pretty much right away," Stiles said, with his best judging eyebrows. Seriously. Derek needed to realise people cared about him. "That goes double for Erica. What do you think? You gonna take the bet?"

"I thought you were supposed to be nice to me, cause I'm sick and everything, isn't that how this is supposed to work? I feel like shit and you're nice to me without the judginess?" Derek countered, cuddling the hot water bottle a little closer to himself.

"I am being nice," Stiles objected. "There has been no yelling, no insults, and no swearing; I've made you a hot water bottle; tucked you in; and fed you soup; and here I am keeping you company. What more could you ask for?"

"For you to stop giving me that judgey look just cause I didn't call anyone," Derek countered, glancing at Stiles and noting that his judging expression was in fact still in place.

Stiles rolled his eyes. "You know, for someone who cares so much about pack when it comes to other people, you're kind of terrible at it when it comes to yourself. Here, let me show you a thing." He pulled out his phone and sent a mass text to the pack. _Sourwolf's been feeling shitty all week but didn't ask for company because he didn't want to bother anyone. Thoughts?_

"Stiles, don't-" The text was already sent before Derek could finish his protest, sighing as he waited for Stiles to finish proving his point.

_Is he alright now? -SM_   
_Seriously? Does he need anything? - AA_   
_Idiot. Me and Boyd are gonna come round later to check in on him -ER_   
_How is he? I could come over now if he needs anything? - IL_   
_Sounds like something stupid that he would do. Anything I can do to help? - LM_

Stiles passed the phone to Derek and crossed his arms smugly. "I rest my case. Pack, dude. You've got one." Derek was kind of awful at realising people cared about him, but Stiles was determined to convince him. "Speaking of pack things, shove over. You're getting cuddles."

Derek gazed down at the screen in surprise, not even thinking to try and argue as Stiles told him to move over, instead simply doing as he was told and making space for Stiles in the bed.

The surprise on Derek's face was kind of heart-breakingly sad. He had no idea how much other people cared about him. It was like his own self-image was frozen at just after his return to Beacon Hills, when everyone thought he was a serial killers and no-one liked him or wanted to help him. Stiles sighed, and took the phone back as he got into the bed, sending a mass text to reassure everyone: _I've got him at the moment. I'll let you know how you can help later_

"I'm sorry I didn't call," Derek murmured finally, once Stiles had taken his phone back. "I just...I thought..." He'd thought they wouldn't really care, that they'd prioritise other things before giving him a second thought.

Stiles shrugged, put the phone on the night stand, and wriggled into a more comfortable position. "I get that you've got issues," he said reassuringly. "Trust me, we all get that. But don't do it next time, okay? We want to look after you as much as you want to look after us."

Derek nodded slightly, feeling incredibly stupid for not just asking for help in the first place. "Thank you," he murmured.

Stiles smiled a little. "You're welcome," he said quietly. He looked between the two of them, thinking logistics. Cuddles were not un-awkward with just two people when they weren't fucking, so. "Here," Stiles said, lying on his back and raising his right arm a little in invitation. "Curl up on my side. Leach my body heat."

Derek hesitated before moving closer to Stiles' side, lightly resting his head on the other's chest as he curled up as close to him as he could, his eyes fluttering shut. He was close enough now that his weakened sense of smell could pick up Stiles' scent, the spicy smell helping Derek to relax a little more.

 

Stiles wrapped his arm around Derek's shoulders, staring up at the ceiling above him. Derek seemed a little warmer at least, although it was hard to tell with the contrast to the hot water bottle right next to Stiles' hip. "Are you feeling better at all now?" he asked hopefully.

Derek simply hummed his agreement, not wanting to nod and move his head - from where his head was resting, he could hear Stiles' heartbeat again, the same skipping thrum that his ears had been straining for earlier. He wasn't going to risk losing that sound for even a moment by doing something as simple as _nodding_.

Stiles looked down at the other man, resting wearily against him, and couldn't help but think of other reasons the two of them could be lying like this. Of the two of them being a pair, of this being normal, of holding Derek in his arms at the end of the day or being held in his, of going to bed together, of both literally and figuratively sleeping with him...

"What are you thinking about?" Derek murmured curiously, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as he listened to Stiles' heart beat speed up just a few inches away from his ear. "Your heart's going really fast, are you okay?"

Stiles bit back a curse. Of course Derek would notice. "I'm fine," he said reassuringly. "It's...nothing." He didn't really want to talk about it, even with their revelations earlier.

"Stiles, I'm sick, not stupid. What's wrong?" Derek countered, opening his eyes and tilting his head a little so that he could look up at Stiles with a raised eyebrow.

Stiles fidgeted awkwardly. "It's not...nothing's _wrong_ ," he stalled. Then he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and bit the bullet. "I was just thinking how much I liked...being with you like this. Like a, a couple."

"Oh," Derek murmured, nodding a little. "I...I really like it too. Not just cause you're really warm too."

Stiles laughed a little. "Well, there is that," he said cheerfully. "Stiles Stilinski - bed-warmer at your service. Except no, because ew, I'm not a prostitute." Stiles made a face. "Word choice fail."

Derek chuckled, half nuzzling into the other's chest. "If it helps I knew what you meant, even if your wording left something to be desired."

Oh, wow. Derek was nuzzling him. That felt really good, in a way that seemed maybe a bit inappropriate given Derek's general state of health right now. "Um," said Stiles, trying to muster his thoughts. "Anyway. Yeah. I was thinking about, uh...the two of us."

"Yeah? What were you thinking about exactly?" Derek asked curiously, his eyes slowly slipping shut again.

"Just...us doing couple things," Stiles said, a little awkwardly. God, Derek was adorable like this. "Lying together like this because of, you know, _us_ , instead of because you were sick and needed the comfort."

Derek nervously nibbled on his bottom lip before talking again. "You know we could try if you wanted to. Just...being an 'us'," he murmured nervously.

Stiles kind of. didn't breathe for a minute. Even though Derek had said he loved him earlier (and _holy shit_ , Stiles had definitely not internalised that yet), Stiles had been too focused on Derek's health to think about what it meant for _them_. "Yeah?" he said shakily.

"Just...if you want? I mean, I'd like it. If we tried," Derek replied nervously, keeping his eyes closed as he waited for Stiles' answer.

"I'd, um. I'd really like that, Derek," Stiles said haltingly, kind of overwhelmed. "If we, uh, tried. To be an us."

"Okay. Okay, great," Derek replied with a small grin, tilting so that he could look up at Stiles again, hardly able to believe his luck, considering the circumstances.

Stiles couldn't help but grin back. Derek's smile was legitimately one of the most beautiful things Stiles had ever seen, and he didn't see it often, but there it was. _Stiles_ had put that glowing smile on Derek's beautiful face. Stiles kind of couldn't resist - he leaned down a little and pressed his lips to Derek's, just lightly. "Great's a good word," he murmured.

"Great's a very good word," Derek murmured, his breath hitching a little once Stiles had pulled away. He felt...different. Good different. He was still sick, but it was like he could feel his healing instincts start to kick in again.

"Okay, wow, more of that please," Stiles mumbled, and dove in again. The kiss this time was deeper, still slow and easy to go with the whole convalescing-in-bed thing they had going on, but Stiles got his tongue in Derek's mouth this time, and just. wow.

Derek hummed his approval, softly kissing Stiles back and bringing a hand up to lightly cup the back of the human's neck. He felt better than he had in _days_ , his senses slowly but surely returning to their natural state.

 

Something was niggling at Stiles. He was super committed to the whole kissing awesomeness thing going on right now, but there was a thought that was distracting him. "Warm," he murmured between kisses, frowning. "Y'r hands. They're warm."

"They are?" Derek murmured, pausing for a minute and realising that _all_ of him was warm. Really really warm, considering it was his natural body heat coupled with the hot water bottle, his duvet and a thick hoodie. "They are."

Stiles stared at him. "You aren't so pale, either." Derek had kind of looked like death when Stiles showed up. Now he looked, well, drained, but still...still _normal_.

Derek started a little, "Your heart. I can hear your heart again," he murmured. He didn't have to have his head pressed against Stiles' chest to hear the steady thrum anymore, he could hear it no matter what.

"You look better, you can hear better, you're warm..." Stiles listed, then broke off. "Holy shit," he whispered. "I...I must have...I wasn't sure..." He licked his lips. "I guess that answers the question of how I feel about you, then," he said slowly, trying to suppress the grin that was gradually spreading across his face.

"I guess it does," Derek murmured with a slight nod, a bright grin forming on his face despite his attempts to restrain it. Stiles loved him. Really, properly...he loved him. It was making his head spin.

"I love you?" Stiles checked, thinking of his worry since Derek was cursed, all the time he'd spent desperately searching for a cure, the strange half-pain-half-relief of Derek not wanting to kiss his love, the even worse feeling of discovering Derek sick and alone in the loft, his joy at hearing Derek's feelings, the way he'd taken care of Derek, tried to reassure him that he was cared for and loved by his pack, the way he had daydreamed of the two of them together... "I love you," Stiles breathed, wonderingly.

"I love you too," Derek murmured, hesitating before leaning up to press another soft peck to Stiles' lips, now that he could without worrying about being sick or cursed.

"I love you," Stiles said, dotting Derek's face with little kisses. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..." he said, between every one. He pulled back at last, grinning widely. "You're better, Derek! We fixed it!" he exclaimed, then hugged Derek tight, triumphantly.

Derek grinned, tightly hugging Stiles back and hiding his face in the crook of the human's neck, gently nuzzling at the soft skin there. "Yeah, we did," he murmured happily.

 

Stiles shivered a little as Derek's stubble scraped over his neck. "We should tell the pack you're okay," he mumbled, but made no move to get his phone.

"Yeah, we should," Derek agreed with a soft sigh, pressing a soft kiss to one of the moles on Stiles' neck before reluctantly moving off of him so he could grab his phone. The quicker Stiles texted the pack, the quicker they could get back to cuddling again.

"You should get rid of the hoodie and hot water bottle," Stiles suggested over his shoulder, "or we'll overheat." He bit his lip, grinning, as he tried to compose an appropriate text. He finally sent a mass text reading: _Curse broken. Derek improving rapidly. Should be back to normal tonight._

"Good idea," Derek agreed, sitting up to he could stuff the hot water bottle in a nearby drawer and pull off his hoodie, feeling a little better as he felt himself cool down.

_Awesome! - SM_   
_That's good to hear! Give him my best. - AA_   
_Great! We're still gonna come by later though, see for ourselves. - ER_   
_Good, I'm glad he's better. - IL_   
_That's good, but how'd you break it? You told me you needed hen's teeth and I told you there's no way you can get that for another month. - LM_

Stiles rolled his eyes and sent a reply to just Lydia. _Another option we didn't think would work did. Details later._ He put the phone down and rolled onto his back, telling Derek roughly what the others had said. "Scott, Isaac and Allison send general good wishes. Erica and Boyd are coming by later. Lydia is pleased, but mildly suspicious." He paused. "Is it weird that I don't want to tell them how we broke it?" he asked idly.

"No," Derek replied with a light shrug, lying back down beside Stiles and reaching out to take his hand, bringing it up to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. "I don't really want to either."

Stiles couldn't help but grin at the cuteness. "They're all gonna guess about us in like, three seconds flat," he pointed out. "But I feel like the 'true love's kiss' thing just puts a whole lot of unnecessary pressure on things." He shrugged. "Scott would probably think it was romantic."

Derek hummed in agreement, gently squeezing Stiles' hand. "So, what do you want to tell them then? Cause they're going to ask."

Stiles made a rude noise. "That is a true thing, that thing you just said. Damn." He sighed. He knew he couldn't sustain an elaborate lie, like some alternate potion, and true love's kiss as a general curse-breaker was too good as advice for Stiles to mess with it. "...in a lot of stories there's a condition set by the curser that will break the spell?" he suggested doubtfully. "Why were the witches pissed at you specifically?"

"I was supposedly trespassing on their territory," Derek countered - which wasn't true, because he was _careful_ about things like that, and he'd been nowhere near the witches territory. Not that it mattered, cause they'd cursed him anyway, but still.

"And you've been stuck in your house for...how many days?" Stiles asked, hiding a smile at Derek's disgruntled face. He was kind of adorable.

Derek mentally counted back the days in his head, "Five?" He guess finally before nodding. "Yeah. Five days."

"Okay, so we say that was a way to break the curse," Stiles said easily, wincing internally at the thought that it had been five days since Derek had left his loft and this was the first time Stiles had visited. "A tit for tat kind of thing. You cross the boundaries of your territory, you get stuck in the smallest definition of yours for a while."

Derek nodded slightly, "Yeah, okay. Sounds plausible. You think you can lie convincingly to a pack of werewolves?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at Stiles with a faint smirk

"Ugh." Stiles frowned, thinking. "Okay. Tell me if my heart skips. It was kind of unexpected when the curse wore off, but he was stuck in the loft for five days. Considering the witches cursed him because they thought he infringed on their territory, it's a plausible explanation for why the curse broke. I'm just glad I don't have to order hens teeth from Azerbaijan now."

"Skipped when you said it was unexpected, try again," Derek replied, turning onto his side so he could focus on Stiles better as he talked.

"It was a surprise when the curse wore off?" Stiles tried. He didn't get why unexpected had read as a lie - _he_ certainly hadn't been expecting it.

"Better," Derek replied with a faint grin, pressing a soft kiss to Stiles' temple.

Stiles' mouth dropped open at Derek's grin, then a wide smile spread across his face. "Dude! You _like_ when I'm being devious!" he said accusingly.

Derek fondly rolled his eyes. "So what if I do?" he countered with a small smirk.

"You are just full of surprises, Derek," Stiles replied, shaking his head. "Dating you is going to be the _best_ thing." He bit his lip, suddenly uncertain. "That's...what we're doing, right? Dating?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's what we're doing," he murmured, reaching out to gently smooth his thumb over Stiles' bottom lip, freeing it from his nibbling teeth.

Stiles nipped at Derek's thumb, reassured. "We're going to have to tell Lydia what really happened, you know. I can fool werewolves, but I can't fool _her_." He sighed. "I'm pretty sure she'll understand though, with the whole key thing with the kanima. She won't tell anyone."

"Yeah, I know," Derek murmured, pressing another soft peck to Stiles' lips. If anyone knew how to keep a secret, it was Lydia - if they asked, she wouldn't tell anyone how they really broke the curse.

Stiles yawned suddenly. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I haven't gotten much sleep lately, what with the curse-breaking research." And worrying. Lots of worrying.

"Sorry," Derek internally winced, guilt punching him in the gut as he realised Stiles' lack of sleep was his fault. "You can sleep now if you want?"

"The hell are you apologising for?" Stiles asked, frowning. "It's not your fault." Derek always blamed himself for stupid things. "Naptime would be awesome, though," he admitted, eyeing the circles under Derek's eyes. "You look like you could use it too."

"Yeah, I probably could," Derek agreed with a slight nod. He'd found it hard to relax and sleep as he felt his senses slowly deteriorate, he could probably do with a very long nap.

"Good," Stiles yawned again. He was _really_ tired, actually. "You're comfortable." He snuggled in closer, closing his eyes.

"Yeah, that's me. Derek Hale, superpillow," Derek murmured with a soft chuckle, cuddling Stiles close as he closed his eyes.

"Shh," Stiles said sleepily as he started to drift off. "Naptime."

\-----

Derek didn't remember finally slipping off to sleep - he hadn't even really realised he had until he was woken up by the sounds of people talking. Two voices, one a little higher than the other. He groaned softly, trying to shut his eyes tighter as if that might block out the sounds and slow down the process of waking up until it stopped and he could go back to sleep.

"Oh my god they are so _cute_!" Erica whispered to Boyd when she realised Derek _and_ Stiles were curled up in Derek's bed.

"I think you woke Derek up," Boyd pointed out, equally quietly.

"Why are you watching me sleep?" Derek asked finally, since it was obvious he wasn't getting back to sleep anytime soon. He didn't bother moving though, or opening his eyes - he was too comfortable to do that.

Erica looked away awkwardly. Boyd raised an unimpressed eyebrow and nudged her, as if to say, 'you woke him, you explain.' "We came by to be sure you were okay after Stiles texted earlier," Erica explained. "And then we got here and you and Stiles were...cuddling." She was suppressing a smile by the time she finished talking, and it was audible in her voice.

"You sound pretty amused," Derek countered with a faint smirk, finally opening one eye so he could look at the two other wolves in the room.

"The two of you are really cute," Erica pointed out. "You're not usually so...cuddly."

"And most of us were starting to wonder if you two would ever get your act together," Boyd added.

Derek just grunted before shutting his eye again, "Well, we did," he grumbled, hiding a shy grin in Stiles' hair.

"And you're...better?" Erica asked, concerned.

"Yeah, the curse broke," Derek promised with a slight nod. "Now I'm just tired. Haven't really been sleeping well cause of it."

"We'll let you sleep then," said Boyd firmly. "We're glad you're better. And congratulations."

"Thanks," Derek replied, hesitating before turning his head to look at them both. "And thanks for coming to check on me. It's nice of both of you."

Erica looked back at him as they headed for the door, rolling her eyes. "Course we did. Idiot. But I'm guessing Stiles already gave you that lecture. Sleep well."

Stiles rolled over as the door closed, eyes still shut tight. "They gone?" he mumbled, grabbing at Derek's shirt. "Sleep more please."

"Yeah, they're gone," Derek replied with a small smirk, not even surprised that Stiles had pretended to be asleep that whole time.

"Good." Stiles cracked his eyes open just enough to reach up and land a kiss somewhere on Derek's face - his nose, in fact - and pulled him closer again. "Love you," he mumbled.

Derek grinned, cuddling Stiles as close as he could, and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head. "Love you too," he promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With a thousand thanks to thewarlockandtheshadowhunter (who can be found under that name on tumblr) for writing an amazing Derek, coming up with the curse, and in general making this prompt really cool - also, for their patience, considering we wrote this one at /least/ two months ago and I'm only just posting it.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and I'm looking forward to your comments!


	7. Ticking a Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles accidentally texts Derek about his 'am I/aren't I gay?' problem. As it turns out, Derek's advice is pretty great.
> 
> ace Derek, questioning Stiles, sexual identity issues, sexuality is fluid, mentor Derek

Seriously, though, how am /I/ meant to know if I'm gay?

Shit, ignore that

 

**Alright, I will.**

 

Sorry

Meant to send it to Scott

Not that he's much help, but

 

**You don't need to apologise.**

 

Nice of you to say, but seriously, I know you must get sick of being surrounded by teenage bullshit

 

**I can try and help if you'd like, if Scott isn't.**

 

You're kidding

Seriously?

 

**Yes, seriously. Not kidding.**

 

It's not that Scott doesn't /want/ to help, it's just that, of the two of us, I'm the one that's meant to know these things

So he kind of can't do anything but listen sympathetically while I try to figure it out

 

**Well I know a bit about sexuality. I'm ace, took me a while to figure it out. It confused me a while when the Jennifer thing happened but then I found out I was under a spell practically the whole time so it made more sense.**

 

Ace?

 

**Asexual. It means you don't feel sexual attraction.**

 

that's...huh.

I'm not going to ask questions, because they're probably all dumb and annoying

 

**No, you can ask them. There's no dumb and annoying questions and I'll do my best to answer as fully as I can.**

 

Pretty sure they get annoying.

 

**Seriously, just ask.**

 

Um. Do you still, like...date?

Or is that not a thing

 

**I can date, I do feel romantic attraction. I just don't because, as we all know, I'm pretty emotionally constipated and bad with feelings and trust.**

 

Right. Romantic attraction?

 

**It's like, sexual attraction is, "I wanna have sex with you" and romantic attraction is, "I wanna date you".**

 

Oh

I hadn't really thought about those as separate things before

 

**There's a few different types of attraction.**

 

Do you ever, not /miss/ it, but, uh, want to not be ace? To have sex and stuff?

 

**I used to think I was...broken. For a while, when I was in high school. It's just because society puts so much emphasis on sex, I felt like I was weird since I didn't feel anything.**

**I found Paige and I fell in love, and then everything started to go wrong and suddenly it didn't seem so important anymore.**

 

That sucks

 

**I spent some time in college figuring myself out.**

**The internet was a big help.**

 

Yeah, it usually is

 

**What about you?**

 

Well, I've spent most of the last decade extravagantly in love with Lydia

I don't know, it was a thing

And, you know that night with the last kanima confrontation?

That hurt like a bitch, her showing up to ask my help to save the love of her life

 

**I imagine it would have.**

 

I mean, it had already been the worst night ever, what with the basement of electrical doom

But it was kind of the cherry on the cake

 

**So do you not feel any kind of attraction to Lydia now? Besides platonic and maybe aesthetic?**

 

No

It's probably better this way

 

**Probably, yeah.**

 

It was weird, though, because I got over her like, bizarrely quickly

 

**Well, there's no real set time. It's just whatever you feel. I wouldn't question it if I were you, just be glad.**

 

Yeah

Still. It was like, a month, before I was totally cool just being friends with her

And I mean, friends is way more than I'd ever had before, and she's /awesome/, but still

 

**Still you can't help but think how things could have been if she'd ever felt that way about you?**

 

A bit

 

**That's okay.**

 

But I also feel weird about it because...while I was hooked on Lydia, I was like, super-focused

And now that I'm not, I'm noticing a whole lot of hot people

But they're pretty much entirely guys

 

**Well, it's possible that you're sexually attracted to mostly guys, but romantically attracted to girls, like Lydia.**

**You could be bi, but be more into guys than girls.**

 

I mean, bi is kind of the obvious solution

But I'm not looking at girls at /all/ right now

But saying I'm gay kind of invalidates the whole thing with Lydia, and it really /was/ a thing

Hence the confusion

 

**No, it doesn't.**

**It doesn't invalidate the thing with Lydia.**

 

Doesn't it?

 

**Not at all. Sexuality is a fluid thing. It can change. As you grow and change as a person your thoughts and views and opinions change. Your feelings change. You are not the same person as you used to be, every seven years every molecule in your body has changed from what it was seven years ago.**

 

That's pretty poetic

 

**I'm a pretty poetic person, I just don't talk much. The point is, some people change, some people don't. It doesn't invalidate how you used to feel, just because you feel a different way now.**

 

I guess

Ugh. Why is this all so complicated?

You know that night when the kanima showed up at Jungle, I tried to convince my dad I was there clubbing, and he was all "you're not gay"

 

**If I remember, he was mostly teasing about the way you dress.**

 

Yeah

But still

It's not like I dress any different /now/

 

**... there's no right way to dress. He was kidding around, and there's no 'gay uniform'.**

 

Trust me, I know

 

**You dress fine by the way.**

 

thanks

 

**S'okay.**

**Just remember, you don't have to label yourself at all if you don't want to. Who is it for? It's for /you/. If it's causing you stress to try and figure out which box to tick... then don't tick the box. Just tick 'other' and move on with the survey.**

 

...that's pretty smart

I tend to obsess about categorising things

 

**Yeah I figured that.**

 

_[delay]_

Hey Derek?

 

**Yes?**

 

Would you go on a date with me?

 

**I'd like that.**

 

Yeah?

 

**Yes, really.**

 

That's pretty awesome

 

**I think you're a pretty wonderful person, Stiles.**

 

I am blushing so hard right now

I think you're pretty amazing too

 

**Thank you**

 

Thanks for not ignoring me when I asked you to earlier

 

**That's alright, Stiles.**

**I'm not good at ignoring you.**

 

Yeah?

 

**Yeah**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my anonymous interlocutor for an awesome ace Derek! (Representation is my favourite thing)
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed it


	8. Getaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The constant stress of life on top of a more or less Hellmouth has been getting to Stiles. He generally doesn't talk about how it affects him, but Derek finds out, and decides to do something about it.
> 
> friendship, post-3a, everybody lives, mental health issues, depressed Stiles, Derek looks after Stiles, road trip, emotional h/c

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:   
> Stiles is pretty depressed. He's not suicidal, but he doesn't want to live the way he is at the moment, and he can't really see a way out. Derek helps him with this. Some of what he says could be interpreted as passively suicidal.

I just don't want to be here anymore

 

**Where?**

 

Oh, sorry

Didn't mean to send that to you

Or at all, really

 

**What's wrong?**

 

Nothing

I'm fine

 

**Stiles, spit it out.**

 

It's nothing. I'm just...tired.

And kinda done.

 

**With?**

 

Our lives

The running fighting planning cycle, the late nights, the nightmares, the paranoia 

The way pretty much everything unrelated seems meaninglessly petty, but is also the only part of my life outsiders will ever see or judge

 

**It's a hard life, Stiles. Ours especially. But there's good in it too.**

 

Right now I'm not seeing it

 

**You've your pack, your father. You have people who love you. And you can always choose to step away. That's always an option for you, Stiles. Don't forget that.**

 

I took the red pill, Derek

There's not really any going back

 

**What do you mean by that?**

 

Now that I know, do you think I could ever forget?

 

**I think you could step away from it, yes. I don't think you could forget, but stepping away and choosing to opt out is different.**

**No one would think less of you if you did.**

**You should know that.**

 

I would

 

**Sometimes, you need to put yourself first.**

**You need to know the right moments to.**

**Don't push yourself overboard when you can step away.**

 

But you guys need me

I can't turn you down

 

**We need you okay. That's what we need.**

 

What if someone gets hurt because I wasn't there? What if someone gets killed?

 

**Don't place that weight on yourself.**

**You don't deserve it.**

 

You do it

I know you do

 

_[delay]_

**We're in different circumstances.**

 

And what about them makes it okay for you to blame yourself but not me?

 

**Listen to me, you're young. You're - you've done so much good, Stiles. You've been brave, and you've been smart, and you've been kind when needed. You've been /sharp/. You don't need this weight. You don't. So don't place it upon yourself, because no one else is going to.**

 

What about you?

 

**What about me?**

 

Why do you think you deserve it?

 

**I've played a fool, time and time again. I don't learn.**

 

So?

 

**This isn't about me. You need to step back if it'd getting too much. Even a break.**

 

Bullshit

 

**You won't be able to carry on like this.**

 

I meant the bit about you

 

**Like I said, we're not discussing me.**

 

There's no reason not to

 

**Just look after yourself, Stiles.**

 

Half the reason I don't is I'm too busy looking after /you/

 

**How about you do me a favor here, and you turn that attention on yourself.**

 

Only if you promise me you're going to spend at least as much energy as I do keeping you alive

 

**Stiles. I mean it.**

 

So do I

I keep a fucking tally of how many days it's been since you've bled on me

 

**You should stop keeping track of that.**

 

Well, I happen to think /someone/ should be aware that you've never made it past two months

 

**I'm driving out of town this weekend. I'm heading up towards New Mexico way, visit Cora for a few days if she can get to the boarder. Come with me.**

 

_[delay]_

Okay

 

**Alright. Have a bag packed for a couple nights. Be ready on Friday evening and I'll pick you up.**

 

Thanks

 

**It's fine. You're not picking the music.**

 

So long as the music you pick isn't awful, sure

 

**My music taste isn't up for debate.**

 

Think about what you know of me for a minute and then have another look at what you just sent me

 

**Think about what you know of me.**

**Not. For debate.**

 

I wonder if that counts for the threat tally

 

**You've too much time on your hands.**

 

Information keeps me alive.

If I only collect information on things that are going to kill me, it gets depressing

 

**Then what else are you tallying on me?**

Dramatic entrances, mysterious shirtlessness

Letting anyone else drive your car

 

**You're ridiculous.**

Everyone has at least one tally

 

**Do they.**

 

How many days since Erica brutally shot down a dude for being a sexist pig

That one's depressingly low

How many days since Boyd /didn't/ talk at lunch

How many days since Allison made a speciest remark

She's improving a lot, actually

She's almost got to triple digits once or twice

How many days since Scott dropped me for Allison

That one almost never makes double digits

 

**Are you always this observant.**

 

I like people-watching

 

**Oh that so. Wouldn't have guessed.**

**What are the tallies you have on yourself?**

 

I don't

They're too depressing

 

**How about I give you my tallies of you, then.**

 

You keep tallies on me?

 

**How many times you've surprised me. From the small things, to the plans you come up with.**

**How many times you've kept me alive while simultaneously telling me you're going to kill me.**

**How many times you've driven me up the goddamn wall.**

**How many times I spend thinking about watching you when there's trouble about. How many times I lose focus on a fight because I'm focused on you.**

 

_[delay]_

Oh

 

**Not all that depressing.**

 

Mine would be

 

**Tell me them.**

 

But yours are...good

The tallies I'd keep?

Days since I fucked up with my Adderall

Days since a screaming nightmare

Days since I forgot to tell Dad I love him

Days since I said something insensitive to one of you guys

Days since I got hurt

 

**Start new ones. Start tallies on each night you get a full night's sleep. Tallies on weeks passing without trouble.**

 

I don't want to see it go back to zero

 

**Are you free tonight?**

 

...yes?

 

**Can you afford to miss Friday's lessons tomorrow?**

 

Why?

 

**Let's drive out tonight.**

 

You really want to get me out of here, don't you?

 

**I want you to take a step back a while.**

 

And if I won't, you'll take it for me, huh?

 

**Something like that.**

 

Fine

I'll tell my dad, but /you/ have to explain to everyone else why you're abducting me if they ask

 

**I don't have a problem with that. I can talk to him as well, if you need me to.**

 

He still hasn't made up his mind about you

It's better for me to do it

 

**Let me know then.**

 

He'll let me

\-----

Derek didn't bother to text back, he just finished packing up what he needed for the trip, before snagging up his jacket. Derek had been planning the trip for a while now, and Stiles, evidently, needed to get out of Beacon Hills. Had probably needed to for a long while now. Derek wanted to do this for him, and they could take a couple days out, and Stiles could just - not think for a while. Not over that toxic town. He was pulling up outside Stiles' place half an hour or so later, pushing out of the Toyota and heading over to the front door, considering the fact that the Sheriff's cruiser was parked up, he should probably give some sort of greeting.

Stiles had figured Derek wouldn't fuck around, but he hadn't thought he'd be _that_ quick, so he was still packing when his dad called up to him, "Stiles? Why is Derek Hale here?"

"Shit!" Stiles muttered. He had everything, right? Clothes, Adderall, phone, wallet, keys, ipod, chargers...he grabbed his laptop and stuffed it into his backpack. Better safe than sorry. "Sorry, Dad, I didn't think he'd get here so soon!" he yelled as he clattered down the stairs. "Um...surprise roadtrip?"

Christ, Derek thought, resisting the urge to roll his eyes heavenward, because the Sheriff clearly did not know the plan. Derek grimaced a moment, before the Sheriff was turning back to look at him, expression pinched as Stiles sped down the stairs.

"And where exactly is Mr Hale sweeping you off to?" He said, voice tight, and Derek pulled himself up tighter.

"New Mexico, sir, to visit my sister, Cora," Derek replied promptly, not wanting to give the Sheriff a reason to doubt or mistrust him. The Sheriff arched a brow at him, before turning back to Stiles, "What about school tomorrow?"

Stiles glared at Derek. "I'm all good with school, tomorrow's easy stuff anyway," he tried to reassure his dad, but he knew it wasn't working. Sighing, he let some of his exhaustion show on his face. "Dad, I just...I really, really need to get out of here."

The Sheriff gave him a worried look. It's not like he could have missed the nightmares. Or the late nights generally. Or the way Stiles was extra worried about him getting hurt lately. Or how often _Stiles_ was getting hurt lately. "So you're going on a road trip with Derek Hale?" he asked. "Not Scott?"

Derek tried hard to not let the pained expression cross his face from all the questioning. Stiles should've informed his father the second the plan to go that night was made. Over the man's shoulder, Derek shot Stiles an equally unimpressed glare right back at him, before he was watching Stiles' expression give way to his exhaustion. And Derek knew he'd made the right choice in asking Stiles to head out with him for a while. It took some real convincing, and it was a near half an hour later before the Sheriff was satisfied enough with their answers, and Derek had handed over his phone number, before they were heading out on the road, driving straight outta town.

"Thanks for that heads up," Derek shot to Stiles lightly, shooting him a pointed side glance as he drove.

"Dude, I was packing," Stiles argued. "Did you get into the car _right after_ you talked to me? It's not like you gave me an ETA."

Derek rolled his eyes back to the road, "You should've assumed the plan was effective immediately enough," Derek pointed out back to Stiles, before huffing out an exhaled, releasing his tension now that the Sheriff was dealt with. His eyes darted to the side again, at Stiles briefly, before flitting back to the road ahead. "We'll be driving most of the night," Derek told him, voice softer this time, "We can stop if you want, but I'd rather drive through it if you're alright with sleeping in the car as I go,"

"You'd better have taken a nap today," Stiles grumbled. _He_ didn't mind sleeping in the car. He could cope. But he didn't want Derek to fall into a microsleep and drive them into a tree. "Werewolves aren't immune to fatigue."

Derek snorted quietly, "I'm aware," Derek pointed out, keeping his eyes upon the road as he spoke, "I'll be fine. I've slept." Derek informed him.

Stiles nodded approvingly. "Good. If you need to, I promise I won't destroy your car if we swap." Taking the wheel long enough for Derek to have a nap wasn't any particular hardship. "And I'm used to losing sleep."

Derek didn't reply to that immediately, mostly because he didn't like the implications within Stiles' words all that much, nor how the hang heavily between them for a beat. The sky outside was already darkening, but Derek didn't mind driving through the night. "Just relax, I'll get us there in one piece."

"Alright." It wasn't late by any standards, but Derek wasn't much of a talker, and Stiles had always found long car trips soothing. They'd been on the road less than an hour when he began to drift off.

Stiles fell asleep an hour or so later, and Derek turned to look at him, watching the way he was slumped forwards against the seatbelt. Derek huffed out a soft, amused breath, driving for a little while more, before deciding to pull over, put Stiles out of his uncomfortable position. He reached out into the back seat, snagging up the pillow there, before leaning over Stiles, gently coaxing him into sitting backwards, resting the pillow against the glass of the window for Stiles to lean against,

Stiles slept restlessly, plagued by nightmares as always, but he managed to startle himself awake before he started screaming, and when he looked at the clock, it was past midnight, so that was pretty good, all things considered. Also, there was a pillow under his head. "Pillow?" he mumbled curiously when his breathing had slowed down.

Derek looked at the side when Stiles' heart starting upticking, and then the guy was startling himself awake, and Derek frowned slightly, "You only got a couple hours Stiles," He said, gently, "Relax, you're fine, sleep a little more."

"Nah," Stiles said lazily. "Give me a bit to reset or I'll fall right back into the same nightmare. Five, ten minutes should do it."

Derek didn't reply for a moment, before he was reaching out with his free hand, keeping the other on the wheel, letting his fingers curl around Stiles' forearm, before he was starting to drain away at the tension within Stiles' body, much like he could do with pain, just pulling away at what was left from the nightmares, the strains upon Stiles' body.

"Oh wow," Stiles slurred, yawning. "That's even better than the pain thing. You should, mm, teach Scott that." His eyelids were heavy, and it was getting hard to keep them up.

Derek let his thumb rub a little absentmindly over Stiles' arm, just in slow, sweeping arches as he drained Stiles away of his tension, keeping his eyes forwards as he did so, before he was letting him go after a while, catching himself.

"Thanks," Stiles murmured as he slipped back into sleep. "I know you like to pretend you're not nice, but you are, really."

Derek didn't bother to reply to that. He just kept his gaze forwards, until he was sure Stiles was asleep, and he let it move back over to him briefly.

Stiles slept longer, this time. He wasn't woken by nightmares, either, but by Derek pulling into a gas station to fill the tank.

Derek climbed back into the car after filling up the tank, tossing a chocolate bar at Stiles' head as he sat down, before opening up his own and taking a bite. It was just barely four in the morning now, the sky still a hazy darkness.

Stiles fumbled the catch and gave Derek a disgruntled look, but he appreciated the thought. "Thanks," he muttered. He didn't say anything else. It didn't feel right, and for once in Stiles' life, the silence was comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my collaborator for a wonderful Derek. I hope you enjoyed it, and look forward to your comments!


	9. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles has been trying to hide his crush on Derek. For one thing, everyone thinks he's straight. For another, it's Derek. Stiles really doesn't want to be rejected again, and he /really/ doesn't want to hear what Scott has to say about it. Derek, however, has noticed that something's off.
> 
> Pre-slash, bisexual Stiles, coming out, crushes, mutual pining, compliments, Scott is a good friend, Scott doesn't like Derek, Stiles has low self esteem, feat. Scott

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Derek is bold; Stiles is plain text; Scott is italics. Conversations between Derek and Stiles are on the left, and conversations between Scott and Stiles are on the right.

**You’re keeping secrets**

What do you mean?

 

**I'm a werewolf, Stiles, and unlike the others, I actually pay attention**

**You're nervous a lot, and sometimes your heart skips so often I can't tell what's true**

**And you've been avoiding me**

 

Everyone has secrets, it's no big deal.

 

**Yes, but this is new**

**And it's making you nervous around me and the pack, so I'm guessing it's pack business**

 

Well knowing that you're being nosy is not gonna make me less nervous.

Just trust me when I say it's nothing big, yeah?

 

**If you can promise me you are and will be safe and healthy, and it isn't going to affect anyone else then fine, I'll drop it**

 

It's just a stupid crush on someone.

 

**Right**

**Wait, why is that making you nervous around the pack?**

 

Because I don't need people to figure it out.

 

**You know that's really unlikely**

**Unless it's someone /in/ the pack**

_[delay]_

**/Is/ it someone in the pack?**

 

No.

Time to stop being nosy.

 

**Alright**

**But...you can calm down, you know**

**Like I said, the others don't really pay attention**

 

Yeah, but you do.

 

**But apart from the pack, I know literally none of the people you know**

**And even if I did find out who, I'd never say anything about it**

 

Just promise not to try to find out? Please?

 

**I wouldn't do that to you**

 

Good, awesome.

 

**You don't have to worry so much**

 

I'd just rather keep this to myself and wait for it to go away.

I didn't even tell Scott, that says something.

 

**...Can I ask you something?**

 

What?

 

**Why is this different from Lydia?**

**You didn't keep that a secret at all**

 

There are several reasons.

 

**Would you tell me some of them?**

**You don't have to**

 

Scott would flip his shit. My dad would flip his shit.

I'm not entirely sure if I want to admit a detail about it to the world.

And it's obvious that it'd never happen, so there's no point in telling.

 

**Why would Scott be mad?**

 

That's difficult to explain without giving too much away.

 

**Okay**

**It must suck not having anyone to talk to about it, though**

 

...yeah, it really does.

I'm not used to it.

 

**You and Scott seem really close**

**How long have you been friends?**

 

Forever, like... I think it started in kindergarten.

 

**And you think he wouldn't be okay with this?**

 

I think he might say a few things that I really don't want to hear.

 

**I know that feeling**

 

Yeah?

How so?

 

**There are things I never told Laura**

**But also...**

**The first time I had sex after the fire, it was some guy in the bathroom of a club**

**And I liked the anonymity**

**It felt safe**

 

Guy?

 

**So I spent about three months having casual sex in clubs and scrubbing myself down desperately when I got home so Laura wouldn't know**

**Yes**

 

Oh.

And... you didn't want her to know because?

 

**I didn't want her to tell me I was being stupid and unsafe**

**Because I'd already /been/ stupid and unsafe, and this was much, much better**

**And I didn't want her to tell me to stop**

 

When did you know you liked guys?

 

**Because it felt good, and not much did at that point**

Yeah, that makes sense.

**I didn't ever really /not/ like guys**

**But I didn't actually think about it until I was seventeen or eighteen, I think**

**I focused on girls in middle school, and then there was Paige, and then I was grieving, and then there was Kate, and then I was pretty much numb on that front for a while**

**When I started actually getting interested in sex again, it was guys I looked at first because they were different**

And... did it ever freak you out? Were you immediately sure about liking guys?

**It wasn't exactly a moment of revelation**

I see.

**It was...months, of gradually getting my libido back**

**I had a minor freak out at one point that Kate had put me off girls forever, I think**

More than understandable.

**But that was as much about me thinking I wouldn't be able to tolerate sex with them as not noticing them as much**

**I didn't really have the emotional energy to freak out about being bi**

**Especially since I kind of already knew, in the back of my mind**

 

Yeah... that's at least something positive.

 

**There were good things, you know**

**I wasn't all that close to Laura, before the fire**

**She was just my bossy older sister**

 

And afterwards?

 

**All we had was each other**

**So eventually, we became closer**

**I was very dependent on her, right after**

**Which was pretty tough on her - she told me about it, a couple of years ago**

 

I'm sorry about... you know, the whole thing when we got to know you, snooping around, getting you arrested. Things already sucked enough without us interfering.

 

**Thanks**

**But it's okay**

**You weren't being malicious**

 

Yeah, just dumb.

Hah, I remember when you tried to scare me in the police car.

 

**I /did/ scare you. You just didn't think being scared was the most important thing.**

 

It wasn't, curiosity is much more important.

Maybe you startled me. The tiniest bit.

But I was kinda convinced you wouldn't hurt me, so.

 

**Fear was rolling off you in waves, Stiles, you can't bullshit me**

 

Shush.

 

**It was impressive**

 

I am impressive.

 

**You are**

 

Funny.

 

**I'm serious**

 

Now you can't come up with anything, sad.

 

**I didn't know you wanted examples**

**There are far too many to list**

 

Of course.

 

**But in general, you're ingenious, stubborn, intelligent, curious, brave, protective, trustworthy, and loyal**

 

Oh, wow.

 

**Between those things, you impress me on a fairly regular basis**

**I told you I was serious**

 

You forgot pretty.

 

**I'd call you striking rather than pretty**

 

What?

 

**'Pretty' doesn't suit you very well**

 

...on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, what would you give me?

 

**It's not...intense enough**

 

Dude, you're making me blush.

 

**You clearly don't get complimented enough**

**And one to ten scales are stupid**

 

I think this is the first time apart from parties that I got a compliment about my looks, yeah.

 

**You /definitely/ don't get complimented enough**

 

Shush. Seriously blushing here.

So... if I was a stranger at a bar, would you consider me for bathroom sex?

 

**I don't do casual sex anymore**

 

Ah, okay.

 

**There was a time when it was good, and then I got sick of it**

**Also, if you were a stranger in a bar, I'd be wondering why you hadn't been kicked out for being underage**

 

Mean. I totally look old enough.

 

**No**

 

:(

So I'm striking, but too young.

 

**Yes. And you deserve more than casual sex**

 

I was just curious.

 

**It's fine**

**I don't mind**

 

I- I'm gonna talk to Scott real quick.

\-----

Do you have a minute?

 

_What's up?_

 

I think I like guys.

There, I said it.

 

_Okay?_

 

I never told anyone before.

 

_Yeah, but, uh...I just figured you weren't ready to talk about it_

 

You knew?

 

_Kind of?_

 

But... you just know about the probably bi thing, right?

 

_I mean, I can, uh, smell you in the locker room, so._

 

Oh. Sorry.

 

_I'd been wondering, but that kind of confirmed it_

_It's cool_

 

There's this guy.

 

_Seriously?_

_Awesome!_

 

No, just a crush, there's nothing happening.

 

_aw. sucks._

[delay]

_have you not told me because you were worried about the guy thing?_

 

...a little. And worried about your reaction to that specific guy.

 

_dude, first off, I am super mad that you think I'd have been weird about the guy thing_

_also super sad_

 

I'm sorry, I just... what if I ever do stuff with a guy and tell you and you tell me it's gross or something? That freaked me out.

 

_dude_

_you having sex of any kind is kind of gross. you're my brother._

_I'm still going to be happy for you_

 

I talked to him earlier, and he... called me striking among other things.

 

_That's awesome, bro_

_You think he likes you back?_

 

No.

But he told me he's into guys, it's a start. Sort of. Except that I'd never try to hit on him.

 

_Dude, you can't let the thing with Lydia get you down_

_And if he thinks you look good and stuff, that's good, right?_

 

He's a friend, I don't want to risk this.

 

_Really? Who?_

_Is it Isaac?_

_It can't be Danny, not if you didn't already know he was into guys_

 

Isaac? No, nope.

Let's just leave the who question for another time, yeah?

 

_But Stiiiiiilies_

_Tell meeeee_

 

Dude, he already asked me what I'm hiding, and you're not subtle.

 

_So you should tell both of us_

_Problem solved_

 

Hah, no.

He pointed out that I look underage, trust me, this isn't gonna happen.

 

_Wait, what?_

_We're all underage_

[delay]

_Stiles._

 

...right, right, yeah, totally all underage.

 

_Dude, tell me I'm wrong._

 

You're wrong.

 

_Tell me you don't have a crush on /Derek/_

 

...I don't have a crush on Derek?

 

_Stiles._

_Dude._

_Derek? - S <_

 

I didn't mean to.

 

_Seriously?_

 

It's gonna go away eventually.

 

_He's such an asshole!_

 

No he's not.

He's just playing tough, but he's different if you properly talk to him.

 

_He lied to us and keeps secrets and he bit a whole bunch of people and fucked everything up and killed Peter and he bit Allison's mom and, like, ruined everything_

 

Are you saying that killing Peter was a bad move? Or giving Isaac a chance to survive his dad, or Erica the chance to get rid of her seizures?

And he was protecting you when the thing with Allison's mom happened, as far as I remember.

I'm not saying that he doesn't sometimes fuck up, but so do we.

 

_But if he hadn't killed Peter, I could have been human again_

 

And that would totally have been good for all of us when the alpha pack showed up.

 

_There wouldn't have been an 'all of us'_

_They wouldn't even have had a reason to be here_

 

It's beacon hills, something bad would have eventually tried to kill us.

And I mean, he's just a guy in his twenties, he's trying his best.

 

[delay]

_...you really like him, don't you?_

_like, no matter how much of an asshole I think he is, no matter what I say, you're gonna have some counter-argument_

 

Wow. Great. Let's just pretend we didn't talk about this.

\-----

I told Scott.

 

**How did it go?**

**Did he say any of the things you didn't want to hear?**

 

Yeah, lots.

It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but yeah.

 

**I'm sorry**

**He doesn't seem homophobic**

 

...I never said it was a guy.

 

**Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed**

**It just...it kind of felt like part of why you were talking to me was because I'm bi and you needed to talk to someone else who liked guys?**

 

Well you might not be completely wrong there.

I'm sorry, I'm just not used to admitting it.

 

**Don't apologise**

 

Scott figured out who it is and then flipped his shit, as expected.

He's cool with the liking guys part.

 

**That's good at least**

**Not so great that he was mad about your crush, though**

 

It was expected, I just hope things won't be tense now.

 

**It's still pretty unpleasant for you**

 

Just reminded me of why I'm not telling anyone. Maybe that's good.

 

**I don't know**

 

...I also mentioned the thing you said, so I'm sorry if he acts weird or rude.

 

**I said a lot of things**

 

The thing about my looks.

 

**How did that even come up?**

 

I felt like telling him, it was... nice, and something I'm not used to.

 

**I guess I can understand that**

**The people you know are kind of idiots, though**

 

Hey, not fair.

Plus, you just called yourself an idiot.

 

**I was excluding myself from that**

**As the only one apparently smart enough to notice how 'striking' you are**

 

See, that's why I prefer talking to you right now.

 

**I'm sorry to tell you this, but Scott, as your brother, is exempt from commenting on how attractive you are.**

**So that's a rather unfair point of comparison**

 

Good point, good point.

Actually, compliments to friends should be more of a thing.

 

**It would certainly be ego-boosting**

 

Definitely. I think I'm gonna try to do this.

 

**To compliment your friends more?**

 

Yeah. Everyone's got a thing or two they feel a little insecure about.

Currently trying to figure out yours.

 

**/That's/ a well that'll never run dry**

 

Seriously?

I mean, it can't be your looks, what is it?

 

**Everything else?**

 

No, come on.

 

**It wasn't much of an exaggeration**

 

You've done a lot more for us than you had to, especially back when we barely know you. You're caring in your own way, you've got a pretty awesome sense of sarcasm even when you get mad at me, and considering all the horrible things that have happened you still have a firm grip on your life, which is impressive.

 

_[delay]_

**thanks**

**I've made a lot of mistakes**

**It's hard for me to forget them**

 

That's life. It just happens that your life put bigger obstacles in front of you than others.

Doesn't mean you're not a great guy.

 

**I'm really not**

**But it means a lot that you think so**

 

See, compliments are awesome.

 

**Like most of your ideas, it was a good one**

 

We should start hanging out. You know, outside of pack stuff and life threatening situations.

 

**I'd like that. You're good company**

 

How about a movie night?

 

**So long as the movie isn't terrible, sure**

 

You can choose something if you want.

 

**No, you can choose**

 

Okay, I'll bring a few movies. I mean, if you want to do it at your place.

 

**We might get the others dropping in**

**Isaac in particular**

**Since he lives here about half the time**

**Is that okay?**

 

Sure, sure.

Better than my dad, right?

 

**True**

 

So... when?

 

**I don't do things in the evenings except patrol, and that can always be done on another day**

 

Or, I mean I could join you, and we could watch a movie afterwards.

I don't mind.

 

**That would be nice, actually**

**In the woods I'm checking scent rather than anything else anyway, so it doesn't matter how fast I go**

**And in town I drive**

 

Okay, let's do this. When do you want me to be at your place, or do you want to meet up in the woods?

 

**If you can be at the loft by five-thirty or so, we won't have to rush before it gets dark**

 

Sure!

\-----

...can I tell you stuff about Derek or should I just shut up?

 

[delay]

_fine_

_I'm not particularly happy about it, but you're still my bro_

 

I don't have to tell you if you don't want to hear it.

I'm joining him on patrol today, and we're gonna watch a movie.

 

_Like a date? - DM_

 

No, no, definitely not a date. Just friends hanging out.

 

_Good. Cause you deserve better for a first date than wandering the woods._

 

Could be sort of romantic.

Except that it's just a friends thing, of course.

 

_Are you gonna tell him?_

 

No, I don't want to ruin the friendship.

And I mean, come on. What's the use of telling him, I don't need to tell him to know that he's probably not into me.

 

[delay]

_...you should tell him_

 

Why?

 

_Because I'm, uh, reasonably sure he likes you back_

 

I- you're sure, right? You're not just saying this?

 

_There's, um, wolf things_

 

Scent?

 

_Yeah, but not like you're thinking_

 

Details, please.

 

_I mean, he, uh, smells 'into' you sometimes_

_But he just...he finds little ways to touch you, and you probably don't notice, but you always walk away smelling like him_

 

You have no idea how happy you're making me right now.

 

_But there's also...you know how when we're in a group or whatever, you end up standing behind him a lot?_

 

Yeah?

 

_That's - I mean, I'm not totally sure about the instincts, but, as far as I can tell, that's kind of a thing_

_Like, he's automatically protecting you_

_And at the same time, he's trusting you not to attack /him/ from behind_

 

So I should tell him.

 

_Well, he's definitely not going to punch you in the face for it_

 

Thank you.

 

_I want you to be happy, dude_

_Even if it’s with Derek_

 

If he really does like me back, I will be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With thanks to my co-author for a wonderfully real Stiles. I hope you all enjoyed it too!


	10. Fizzy-Fuzzy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a very drunk Stiles texts Derek from a party, Derek shows up to look after Stiles. 
> 
> pre-slash, drunk Stiles, Derek is a good friend, drunk texting, flirting, hugs, humor, mutual attraction, mutual feels

I don lik partiies

 

**You OK?**

 

m lonly

no one talks to me hear

 

**Where are you?**

 

party

like I said

 

**Yes, Stiles. WHERE is this party?**

 

umm

Lydia's hosue

I'm pretty sure

 

**How drunk are you?**

 

probly a lot

m defnitly not sober

there was a lot of beer

and I think someone spikd the punch

and maybe some vodka

 

**Do you need me to come get you?**

 

awww

your sweet

 

**My sweet what, Stiles?**

 

no YOU are sweet

did I fuck up your an you're?

 

**Only a little.**

 

wow, I must be really drunk

 

**Apparently.**

 

you have sweet things, too

like your ass

it's a pretty sweet ass

 

**Thanks for noticing.**

 

oh, I've noticd

I've noticed a LOT

 

**I know you have.**

 

oh no

are yougonna eat my face now?

for looking?

 

**That's not what I want to eat.**

 

what the fcuk

are you making innnundeo at me?

 

**Maybe.**

 

man its going to such in the morning when this isn't real

 

**You'll have the texts to prove it.**

 

you're smart

 

**Thanks. I'm more than just a nice ass.**

 

you're so much more than a nice ass

like, all of your everything is sxey

but yr eyes are so pretty

and yr smile is the best thing, lk sunshine

and you're smart and funny and you take care of peple

an I wanna hug you forevr when you're sad

 

**You should hug me more.**

 

but you're all grr

 

**I'm working on it.**

 

you want hugs?

 

**...Maybe.**

 

m good at hugs

 

**Yeah? What else are you good at?**

 

finding stuff out

being Scotts winnman

he was here erlier but hes gone now

 

**Where'd he go?**

 

I dunno

maybe hom

but I think ther was a girl - mayb Allison came?

 

**Again: do you need a ride?**

 

...yeah

dad wld kill me f I drove like this

Scott was my dd bcos waerwolf

 

**I'll head for Lydia's. Make sure that's where you're at.**

 

_[delay]_

def Lydias

 

_[delay]_

**I'm out front.**

 

k. be ther son

\-----

Derek tapped his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently. He was half a minute from going inside to find Stiles, which he sorely wanted to avoid. He had a bad enough reputation for hanging around with teenagers. He didn't need to be skulking around their parties too.

Stiles stumbled out the front door, glaring at the ground. It was swaying, and that just wasn't _fair_ \- he was clumsy enough normally. Then he remembered why he was out here in the first place, instead of leaning on a wall, and looked around for the Camaro.

Derek spotted Stiles at the front door and rolled his eyes. The boy really was completely wasted. He stepped out of the car and crossed the lawn to where Stiles was leaning against the house. "Hey," Derek greeted him. "How you feeling?"

"D'rek!" Stiles said, beaming. "You're here!" Derek was the best, Stiles thought to himself. Stiles had probably just ruined his evening, and here he was, picking Stiles up. Then he remembered Derek's question. " 'm drunk," Stiles declared. "Ev'thing's fuzzy an nice."

"I can see that," Derek replied with a small smile. He hoisted Stiles up easily, taking the bulk of Stiles's body weight on himself. "C'mon, let's get you in the car."

Derek's arm around him reminded Stiles of their conversation earlier. "Hugs!" he exclaimed, and stopped walking abruptly. He wrapped both arms around Derek and squeezed tightly.

"Oh my god," Derek groaned, though there was a hint of laughter in his words. "There can be plenty of hugs once I get you home." He did take a moment, however, to squeeze Stiles back.

Stiles frowned, but disentangled himself obediently. "Lots of hugs," he said decisively. "Every day." He followed Derek to the Camaro. "You have the sexiest car," he said dreamily. "It suits you."

"All the hugs," Derek nodded along. "And thank you. I've never really thought about it." He held open the passenger side door for Stiles.

Stiles collapsed into the car, pulled his legs in after him. It took three tries for him to do up the seatbelt, by which time Derek was back in the car. "Home, James!" he said, giggling, in a terrible british accent.

Derek snorted. "James?" he echoed. He started the car and pulled away from the curb.

" 's a...queen Victoria thing," Stiles explained, trying to remember the details. "She had a, uh, driver? guy? called James...something. Sweetheart, or something. So she used his first name."

"Interesting," Derek murmured. "The interesting part being how you can still spout insane trivia when you're completely wasted."

"C'n always do...trivia," Stiles said, insulted. " 'm like, the trivia king."

"Yeah, you're the king," Derek snickered. "Hey - is your dad home? I don't have a great deal of confidence about you sneaking inside."

Stiles pouted. "Work. I don get drunk when he's home." And his dad mostly didn't get drunk until after Stiles went to bed. They both got to pretend that neither of them got drunk. It was a good system, except when it sucked.

"Good then," Derek replied. He was still mildly concerned about Stiles even being able to make it up his front steps but kept that to himself for the time being.

Stiles sat in silence for a little while. He was getting drowsy now. Then he remembered Derek's 'eating' comment. "Did you mean it?" Stiles asked. "When you were making innu-, inne-, flirting with me?

Derek's expression turned bashful at the question. "Innuendo," he supplied for the boy. "And... yes. I meant it."

Stiles stared at him, mouth hanging open a little. "You think I'm hot?" he asked incredulously. " _Derek Hale_ thinks I'm hot?"

"Oh stop it," Derek said, frowning slightly at what felt like teasing. "It's not like you haven't gotten laid before. I know you have. And I'm not...I'm not _that_ great-looking. You..." He sighed. "You have a _quality_ yourself that a lot of people find attractive."

Stiles was grinning widely at the compliment when he realised Derek had put himself down first. "Noo," Stiles protested. "You are the awesomest-looking person I've ever seen in my life in the world."

Derek snickered. "Ohh, in the whooole world, Stiles?" he asked teasingly.

Stiles nodded firmly. "In the whole world."

"Thank you, Stiles," Derek grinned, reaching over to place a gentle hand on Stiles's leg.

Stiles. kinda. stared at Derek's hand a bit. It was making him feel all fizzy. Like the alcohol was making him fuzzy. Fizzy and fuzzy.

"You okay?" Derek asked, concerned. Stiles was swaying a little.

" 'm fizzy-fuzzy," Stiles said, touched by Derek's worry. " 'm good."

They pulled up in front of Sties's place a minute later. Derek sat and waited, unsure how to proceed from here.

Stiles slumped into his seat. "C'n I stay here?" he asked. "Inside there's all doors and stairs and loneliness."

Derek sighed. "No, you cannot stay in my car," he answered. "I can carry you upstairs if you need me to, or you can come back to my place if you're worried about your dad seeing you like this, but I'm not letting you sleep in my car like a hobo."

Stiles pouted, and heaved a huge sigh. "He'll worry more if I'm not here than if I'm hungover," he admitted. "Could you...stay? Until I'm sleeping?"

"I'll stay as long as you like," Derek answered, squeezing his leg reassuringly. "Can you actually make it upstairs on your own?"

"Sure," Stiles said, flapping a hand dismissively. "Probably," he added after a moment. "Very probably," he concluded.

Derek rolled his eyes. "I'll carry you," he said decisively. "Although you're going to have to get out of the car on your own steam."

"You're gonna carry me over the threshold like you're marrying me?" Stiles exclaimed, delighted. "Except...wait. I'm not the girl." He pouted. "Derek! I'm not the girl!"

"I know you're not a girl, Stiles," Derek said wearily. "I'd throw you over my shoulder if I didn't think you'd throw up. Do you think you can undo your seatbelt and get out of the car?"

Stiles nodded decisively. "Good." He wasn't the girl. And Derek wasn't going to make him throw up, because Derek was considerate like that. He fumbled with the seatbelt, but managed to get himself untangled on the second try, and when Derek opened the door - when had Derek gotten to the other side of the car? - Stiles clambered out the door.

Derek suppressed a laugh at Stiles' antics, and wrapped an arm around his waist to support him as he wobbled, unsteady on his feet. "Where are your keys, Stiles?"

Stiles frowned, looking at the Camaro. "But that's not my car? You don't need my keys."

Derek held up his keys in front of Stiles, then locked the passenger door. "You're right, but it's not keys to my car that we need. It's keys to _your_ house."

"Ohhh," Stiles exclaimed, nodding and searching through his pockets. "Here you go!" He passed Derek his key ring.

Derek took them, rolling his eyes, and led Stiles haltingly up to the front door.

Stiles was grateful for Derek's hand around his waist. It felt nice. He wanted Derek to do that more. Or maybe move his hand down. That would be nice too.

"You're saying all that aloud, just so you know," Derek said, letting them both in and dropping the keys on the table in the hall. He wrapped Stiles' arm around his shoulders and picked him up.

"Whoa!" Stiles exclaimed, his head spinning, and he clutched Derek tight.

Derek could smell a sudden burst of nausea and waited patiently for Stiles to settle. "Are you good? he asked.

Stiles scrunched his eyes shut, thinking, then nodded. " 'm good," he agreed. "Onward, noble steed!"

Derek snorted. "I'm not a herbivore," he pointed out as he started up the stairs.

"I know, I know," Stiles sighed, pouting. "You're a big bad wolf with sharp, pointy teeth." He nuzzled vaguely at Derek's chest, and murmured, "You have nice muscles. All firm and pretty and pillow-y. I want to sleep on them. Can I sleep on you?"

"No," Derek said patiently, "You're going to sleep on your bed. With your pillow. And I'm going to stay until you're asleep, which I doubt will take very long, and then I'm going to go home and sleep in my bed." They got to Stiles' room - luckily the door wasn't actually shut - and Derek nudged the door open with his foot, setting Stiles down on the bed.

Stiles looked up at Derek and frowned. “You’ll come back though, right?” he asked anxiously. “For – for hugs, and maybe kisses?”

“I’ll come back,” Derek promised softly. “Now, how about you take off your jeans while I go get you some water and some advil for the morning?” He was absolutely certain that Stiles would have a _miserable_ hangover tomorrow.

“ ‘kay,” Stiles muttered, suddenly tired. He started fumbling with his belt, and managed to wriggle half out of his pants before he realised he was still wearing his shoes. “Um…Derek?” he called, not sure how to solve this problem. “Help?”

When Derek came back in, burdened with water and painkillers as promised, he couldn’t help but laugh at Stiles’ predicament. “What on earth were you going to do if I hadn’t picked you up?” he muttered, more to himself than to Stiles, as he crouched to unlace Stiles’ shoes and pull them off. “Think you can handle it from there?”

Stiles kicked his pants off, completely ignored his socks, and wriggled around until he was at least mostly under the covers. “See?” he said defiantly. “I’m not totally incompli-, uncompet-, useless.”

Derek smirked. “No, you’re not. Drink your water.” He helped Stiles hold the glass steady and, when it was empty, took it to the bathroom to refill it, turning off the light as he came back in.

Stiles, already half asleep, reached out to snag Derek’s jacket. “Stay,” he mumbled. “Y’ promised.”

“I’m staying,” Derek said quietly, sitting down at Stiles’ bedside. “I’m right here.”

Stiles’ eyes closed and he smiled sleepily. “Y’r the best, S’rwolf,” he murmured. “Th’ prettiest, an’ the nicest, an’ the awesomest…”

Derek laughed quietly. “Thank you, Stiles,” he said softly. “I think you’re pretty amazing, too.”

There was no answer. Stiles had slipped into sleep between one breath and the next, his cheek squashed against the pillow and his mouth half-open in a way that definitely shouldn’t be making Derek feel as… _fond_ as he did. Derek waited another couple of minutes to be sure Stiles was asleep, then stole a piece of paper from Stiles’ desk and left him a note, and slipped silently out of the house.

 _Stiles_ , it read _,_

_Drink the water. Take the pills. Eat something._

_I don’t know how much you’ll remember from last night, but you don’t have to be embarrassed about any of it. I really was flirting with you, and I have no intention of pretending I wasn’t. Hugs are welcome anytime; kisses can be negotiated._

_I’m glad you texted me,_

_Derek._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my co-author, who wrote most of Derek, although I had to tag a little extra on the end (it just didn't feel finished without it). I hope you all enjoyed the final chapter of part four - part five will be updated soon!


End file.
